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Pick Up Lines Are Like Diamonds In The Rough

Sam told me the greatest thing I’ve ever heard last night while I was trying to read.
His uncle  said to his son the other day, “Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”
His son said, “No, but I scraped my knees escaping from Hell.”

Isn’t that just about the best response you’ve ever heard to a potential pick-up line? I’ve shoved that comeback in my back pocket hoping I can use it before I die.

A lot of people really hate pick-up lines, but I think they are pretty fabulous. I’m all for an extremely awkward encounter, and if a man ever came up to me with a cheesy pick-up line, I’d give them two thumbs up. They are fully aware that whatever they are about to say is not actually going to work unless they are hitting on a fifteen-year-old girl who probably thinks they came up with it. I think it’s a great way to crack a joke, like “Hey, I’m into you, but I don’t know what else to say except this ridiculous pick-up line in hopes that you’d laugh at my stupidness and then we can bond over a cocktail.” I’ve never actually had a pick up line said to me except for typical ones like, “You have really beautiful eyes,” and all you can say is “gee thanks, you too.” Moving on….
I never actually think of comebacks until way after the fact which makes me kick myself in shame. Whether they are good or bad, I don’t care, any comeback is better than a silent stare. So I’ve decided to come up with some responses to pick up lines that could maybe make the conversation better. These responses were the first things that popped into my head, so if you don’t get them, than I guess we can’t be friends.

Are You Religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.
Athiest. And I can make a mean cake.

Do you have a Band-Aid? Cause I just scraped my knees falling for you.
How does Neosporin sound?

I can take you to infinity and beyond.
Okay, Justin Bieber.

Will you be the mother of my puppies?
Finally, a man who wants more than six kids!

I bet you $20 you’re gonna turn me down.
Make it $50.

Put down that cupcake…you’re already sweet enough.
I knew it, I’m fat…just say it.

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.
I’ve been waiting years for someone to say that to me.

You are so sweet you are giving me a toothache.
For this reason, I always carry orajel with me.

Can I have fries with that shake?
You’ve never dipped your French fries in a shake? What the hell is wrong with you?
I wanna stick my half-blood prince inside your chamber of secrets, and release the prisoner of Azkaban to give you the deathly hollows.
That actually sounds like a wonderful sequel.
Your body is a wonderland, and I’d like to be alice.
I’d prefer John Mayer, actually.

I truly admire Lorelai Gilmore for her amazing comebacks to almost everything and anything, and when I get the chance, I channel Lorelai the best I can. We can all learn from her.

Lorelai: And the second thing is, you need to tell me why you are sitting like that?
Sherry: Maureen told me that Howard Stern said that if you squat, it makes the baby come out faster.
Lorelai: Okay, as long as you have a sane reason from a reliable source.

Lorelai: You lost me at carrots, which by the way was the first draft of “you had me at hello.”

Luke: Okay, I’m going to take these spiders outside. Any particular place you want them?
Lorelai: Someplace shady. Sheltered from the elements. And close to a talking pig.

Lorelai: Well we like our internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there’s no dancing, no walking, and we’d starve. It’d be all work and no play. Have you not seen “The Shining” Mom?

Emily: What can we do in a bathroom?
Lorelai: Meet George Michael.
I’ve clearly been binge watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix, and yes, I’ve already seen all of the episodes.

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