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Why It’s Okay To Want To Kill Your Other Half

This conversation came up between Sam and I, and our neighbors at a local bar called Dogz last night. We all goofed off and joked about all the ways we get under each other’s skin before Sam and I began bickering about how he doesn’t do this and I don’t do that when our friend said, “Wow it’s nice observing the bickering instead of being in the middle of it.”

Bickering has been something Sam and I have done since day one, and I think we both find ways to do it because it’s fun and challenging for us. We’ve never quite seen eye to eye because we are the exact opposites of each other. We can’t even finish each others sentences.

(This is a fictional example, but this happens almost daily)

Me : “So the other day I….”
Him : “You ran down towards the peninsula.”
Me: “No…I gave,”
Him: “The lawyers a call, I know.”
Me: “No, Mumford was…”
Him: “Tried to climb out the window again?!”
Me: “WILL YOU STOP TALKING AND LET ME TELL YOU!”

I remember when we decided to first move in together, and it was our senior year in college. We were practically living together anyways, and we knew we didn’t want to stick around in the dorms any longer, so the best idea we had was to split rent together. That was the only new concept for us, to actually work together to split the costs of almost everything. Of course we still acted like college students where the weeks we didn’t have enough money to go grocery shopping, we just ate toast and peanut butter everyday for a week. Lunch, Breakfast, and Dinner. And we still ordered Dominos at 2am.

But what I remember most is how our friends reacted. They were all in shock like we were taking a huge leap of faith, and although they never said we were crazy, the look on their faces said it for them. They acted like we were eloping in Vegas or something. And to be honest, moving in together after being together for two and a half years in college, nothing changed. The only slight change was that I wanted to kill him more than I did before, but it always passes. And I know he feels the exact same way.

Our main difference with each other when being roomies is that he is the oldest of four children. He’s never had much of privacy in his home, so he’s used to being around a lot of people all the time. I’m the youngest of three, and my sisters are seven and ten years older than me, so it was like I was an only child during my childhood. I was constantly alone and entertaining myself, so I like being alone. In fact, when I know he’s working all day, I’m like, “Oh no, well I’ll see you later!”

Once it gets down to the end of the day, and I’ve done everything on my Jess-List, and then I start having imaginary conversations with imaginary people, I do miss him and embrace him when he comes home.

Anyways, not long after we first moved in together, we began bickering like we always did in front of one of our friends. It was probably over nothing, like “No, you left the bread out!” “Well you left the oven on!” and our friend just looked at us and was like, “Sooooooooooo, how’s that living together thing going for you guys?”
We both just stared at him puzzled. “Oh it’s going great!” I said.
I don’t think our friend realized that we have always bickered like this, but the topics have only changed.

Then the topic last night got to “How would you kill you’re other half”, which came from the movie This Is 40. Sam always jokes about killing me quietly. He’s like, “No one would ever know! You’re here and our family is in NH and I would just log on to Facebook and pretend like you’re still alive.” (I must point out, no one should be concerned for my safety. I would pull a woman killer and just poison the bacon he eats all the time.)

My point being, it’s okay to want to kill your other half sometimes. It can be quite funny and make the relationship much stronger. I see on Twitter all the time (which by the way, my Twitter feed is just full to the brim of high schoolers because of quotes like these, and I don’t know how they got there, but it’s driving me insane) stupid inspirational quotes about love and relationships. They say things like:

“I just want someone to share an Oreo with.”
“My goal is to find that one person to come home to at the end of the day.”
“I want someone who thinks I’m amazing and beautiful, and only me.”

Or some weird things like that. I can tell these are all high schoolers because these are most important to them. Sharing an Oreo, coming home to a loving person every day, and only having eyes for them. Reality is, you might find someone who likes Chip Ahoy more, and while it is nice to come home to someone at the end of the day, it’s not always so easy as it may seem, and the idea that someone only looks at you and thinks you are amazing 24/7 and no one else, is unrealistic. I know Sam finds other women attractive because he’s human and so am I. I realized that a long time ago when we ate at Hooters and he tipped our below-average waitress like 50%, and then I just rolled my eyes and laughed. I’ve known too many women who get caught up and heated when their other half even glances at another female and I find it hypocritical unless they have a valid reason to be upset.

In fact, here’s an incident where Sam could have potentially been beaten by a mob of angry women.

He’s looking at his Maxim magazine. It was a famous surfer all oiled up, perfect body with a bikini on and she’s all like, thrown back in an impossible pose, and he turns to me and says, “Can you look like this?” I stared at him for a minute and he realized what he said and began laughing because it was not what he meant at all and it just came out wrong. I teased him the rest of the day for it. What he meant to say was, “Can you get a bikini like that?”

Having a relationship that is “perfect” and “we never fight or argue” is so boring. I love fighting and arguing with Sam. There have only been two times where we didn’t make up for a day or two, but usually we can’t stay mad at each other for more than a few hours. After those few hours have passed, we both look at each other all puppy-eyed, say sorry for being stupid, and then watch a movie. We will even laugh about the ridiculous things we said  to each other and how it even originated, and they make for good anecdotes later in life. Relationship goals grow as you get older, and sharing an Oreo is no longer a priority.

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