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My Worst Halloween

Happy Halloween everyone, and welcome to my first Funny Blog Friday event, where I get to share something hilarious and potentially humiliating with you. Of course, this makes me sound kind of cocky, as I don’t actually find myself to be all that funny but others apparently do! So I hope this post makes you laugh out loud, feel awkward and embarrassed for my sake, and maybe want to give me a hug in the end because I love hugs.

With this event, I will be giving away this Boy Meets World shirt! :

If you’re interested in this shirt, please let me know by either commenting on this post, emailing me, tweeting me, or any way transporting communication in my direction. You have until midnight tonight, and then I will do the drawing of the winner of this fabulous shirt.

Now this story I’m about to share with you is presented in two parts (visual drawings included). Come hither, children. Form a circle, sit indian style, and hold hands as I take you on this journey of my worst Halloween experience ever.

*Names have been changed to protect those from getting hate emails over an incident that happened almost fifteen years ago. She’s actually a pretty fabulous lady.

PART 1

In the 4th grade, I decided to go trick-or-treating as the Cat in the Hat. Clever, I know. I got the idea because I had a full, fuzzy, one piece pajama suit shoved in my closet, and my sister had a tall Dr. Seuss hat from a carnival she went to. So there ya go.

I went trick-or-treating with my best friend, Jill, and then we planned a sleepover at her house. This consisted of the usual: the ouija board, which was her favorite.

And playing doctor on her cat, Sage.

Just an fyi, it was always Jill’s idea to play doctor on her cat. It just seemed cruel and unnatural to me. But she held down that cat and pretended to check its knees and butthole, making sure the cat was alright even though I knew deep down it was completely horrified by this experience.

Jill thought it would be funny to shove the cat in my sleeping bag.

It took me a minute, but as I watched the cat frantically trying to find its way out of my sleeping bag, something evil came over me.

I began laughing hysterically. I was turning into a cruel cat abuser, enjoying this potentially traumatic and disturbing event at the expense of poor Sage. I had this problem when I was younger that if I laughed too hard….something bad happened.

I started to feel that unnerving twinkle run down my leg that no kid ever wants to experience.

Do you think I was smart enough to bring an extra pair of underwear?

No, I wasn’t.

Which means Jill’s mom had the pleasure of washing my delicates for me.

Since I had no change of pajamas or underwear, my only option was to wear my Cat in the Hat costume the rest of the evening.

Let’s move forward to the next school day. I won’t name names, so let’s call him K.G. Every girl in the 4th grade class had a crush on him. I look back now and realize that he looked like Robert Redford. He naturally was one of the nicest kids in the class. He was pretty shy, and clearly had no clue that every girl wanted to marry him and have his Robert Redford babies.

This is me about to have a heart attack ^^^

Jill was one of those best friends that didn’t keep those “best friend secrets”. I eyed her like a hawk the entire day while she convinced me that she wouldn’t utter a word about my accident. She had that devious look in her eyes, and she glared at me from across the room as I watched her slowly move in on a group of kids including K.G. She gave me one last look, and I knew it was all over.

At that moment, the rats cage looked appealing and cozy.

^^^ So I didn’t actually shove my head inside a rat’s cage, but the idea sounded fantastic. And it may not have been a rat…it may have been a hermit crab.

Part 2

Later that week, I decided to attend the elementary school’s haunted trail they put together every year. It’s usually the big bad eighth graders that acted out everything and dressed up, so I went with Jill and her mom.

Not even two seconds into the trail, and some kid with a chainsaw began chasing me through the trail.

We then stopped in front of a group of bodies lying on the ground in the middle of the trail, which meant I actually had to walk over them. And then this happened…

I jumped so high I think I kicked a kid in the face. I tried my best to contain myself in my inner panic.

And then I cracked…

Jill’s mother forced me to continue walking through the trail. My vocal chords nearly broke from the amount of times I screamed.

At this point in the evening, I refused to even touch the ground because so many zombie hands grabbed my legs and growled at me. Jill’s mother had to carry me all through the rest of the trail until it was over as I performed impressive blood curdling screams in her ear.

This is why I’m not surprised that this is how the trail looked the following year.

^^^Coincidence? I think not.

You can probably guess what happened the next school day.

Check out these other bloggers to see what they are giving away, and what posts they’ve created for you today!

Victoria of Angst Anarchy

Alanna of White Girls Be Like…

Jamie of Fits of Wit

H.E. Ellis of H.E. Ellis

Alice of Alice at Wonderland

Ben of Ben’s Bitter Blog

Jenn of Properly Ridiculous

Lisa of Buddhaful Britt

JC of JC’s Bloggery

Sarah of No Cry Babies

Elke of The Pretty Platform

Jack of The Things I see Up There

Chicks A&E of Too Funny Chicks

Charly of Crazy Life

Kevin of Trailer Trash Deluxe

Karilin of That Nameless Color

Enter to win the Boy Meets World t-shirt starting now!

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