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We Might Have a Lower Divorce Rate If These Lists Didn’t Exist

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Facebook thought I might be interested in this article “Is He Your Future Husband or a Waste of Time? Here are 18 Differences”. Facebook has been a little freaky deaky lately. Have you ever noticed that when you browse the internet, say to look for a new phone case, and all of a sudden there are thousands of ads on Facebook showing exactly what you were looking at while browsing? It makes me shiver. I feel like it’s secretly North Korea spying on us and Mark Zuckerberg is actually a hoax. I don’t know why they thought I’d be interested in this article. Maybe I looked at something somewhat similar a year ago and they were like, “HEY she’s been with her boyfriend for five years, it’s time for us to intervene.” Little does Facebook know that I actually hate these lists, and I’ve voiced my opinion in another blog post back in September. But here I go again, complaining because I find these lists irritating and not even close to being true. It’s all about common sense folks. I want to break down these “18 Differences” and put in my two cents after being in a healthy relationship for five years, and for even dating the past ten years.

1. Your future husband brings out the best in you. An asshole brings out the crazy, stalker bitch in you.

I can’t even with this logic. An “asshole” doesn’t just randomly bring out the “crazy, stalker bitch in you.” These two put together just makes absolutely know sense. A husband that brings out the best in you means you decide you want to go for that Master’s degree. Or convinces you to travel the world or try new foods or to live healthy by eating right and exercising. Becoming a crazy, stalker bitch is most likely your fault, not his. Especially if you suspect he’s cheating, and he’s actually not. In that case, you are a crazy, stalker bitch.

2. Your future husband values commitment and partnership. An asshole is just trying to hang out.

Just because a guy is not ready to commit does not make him an asshole. This is where girls get nutty. If a guy wants to commit to you, he’d tell you. I have never met a guy who said he wants to commit and then didn’t live up to that. If he’s telling you he’s unsure about you, walk away. If you’re chasing after men who don’t want a commitment, once again it’s your fault, not his.

ALSO….marriage means commitment and partnership. Duh.
ALSO again, commitment doesn’t always lead to marriage.
3. Your future husband sees your success as his success. An asshole needs to take you down a notch.

This one I actually agree with. Don’t ever let your partner bring you down when you succeed at something. That’s just their insecurities getting in the way.

4. Your future husband thinks you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. An asshole’s eyes keep wandering.

This is stupid. My boyfriend tells me I’m beautiful all the time…but he’s also human. What exactly do they mean by “wandering eyes”? We are all human. I notice when a hunky man walks by, but I don’t act on it. Just like Sam notices when another beautiful woman walks by, but he doesn’t act on it. If you get pissed every time your significant other even glances at another person, than he’s wasting his time with you. That’s like walking on eggshells. Tense and uncomfortable.

5. Your future husband makes you feel secure. An asshole makes you want to check his phone.

This is so unclear to me, I don’t even know where to begin. These do not go hand in hand. “Secure” I would think means safe from harm. This is where common sense comes into play. If you have any indication that he’s cheating, find a way to get information other than maybe checking his phone. Because if you’re caught and he’s not actually doing any thing, you look like a crazy, stalker bitch.
6. Your future husband prioritizes your happiness. An asshole prioritizes his own happiness.

Sure, when you’re in a relationship, you should be making each other happy, and not be selfish. But you are in charge of your own happiness too. Your husband isn’t there to wait on you hand and foot so that you’ll be happy. That’s not what marriage is about (I know I’m not married, but being in a relationship for five years sure makes you feel like you are). This should actually say, “Your future husband compromises.”

7. Your future husband enjoys listening to you talk. An asshole wishes you’d be quiet.

So does the asshole sew your mouth shut, or like, beats you when you speak? My boyfriend listens to me, but when ESPN is on, forget it. I talk a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Sam could ask me how my day went, and I would go off for ten minutes telling him every single detail of my day that he knows nothing about, or who I’m talking about, and then he sighs afterwards because I just spilled out a bunch of information that he forgot within ten seconds of me speaking. That doesn’t make him an asshole. There’s a difference between a bad listener and one that “wishes you’d be quiet.” Sam isn’t a bad listener, he’s just not an insane talker like me. Polar opposites.

8. Your future husband makes plans with you in advance. An asshole pops up out of nowhere the same day.

What? What do you mean pops up out of nowhere? You mean a guy who is spontaneous is a jerk? That’s a bit much. I say having a healthy balance of both is just fine. Sam plans like, months in advance. But he also likes to take random, out-of-the-blue outings too. A guy should never expect that you are sitting around your apartment waiting for him to call…but there’s nothing wrong with a random call asking what you’re doing today and if you want to go to the movies.

9. Your future husband creates a feeling of forward momentum in the relationship. An asshole wants to keep things exactly as they are.

This statement is true. I dated someone in high school once, and I told them when I go off to college, I’d like to study abroad in Europe. He said, “Why would you want to do that?” I thought he was completely nuts. Someone who doesn’t want the ability to try new things or grow as a person is a waste of your time.

10. Your future husband makes it clear he’s into you. An asshole leaves you wondering.

I hated playing “The Game” when I dated before Sam. It was confusing and stressful. Like I stated in number one, a man will tell that he’s interested in you. If he says nothing of that nature, even when you hint at it, he’s not looking for anything more than a few stolen kisses and nights. But, that doesn’t make the guy an asshole, it just makes him honest.

11. Your future husband makes you feel chased. An asshole is someone you’re always struggling to pin down.

I feel like this just keeps repeating itself. If you are struggling to pin down someone who doesn’t want to be pinned, that’s your fault, not his.

12. Your future husband consistently reaches out to you. An asshole goes radio silent for days.

How weird would that be if you were dating someone and they just disappeared for a few days without speaking to you? I need more info for this statement to hold truth. What if something was wrong with the “asshole”, like family issues, stress, work, etc. You can’t just say this without backing up the reasoning. Before screaming “asshole”, find out what’s up before jumping to conclusions.
13. Your future husband texts you just to check in. An asshole texts you when he wants something.

Okay, so before texting existed, what made a husband a good husband? Sure, I like it when Sam texts to check in, but he doesn’t do it everyday, and I don’t expect him to. He has a life and I have one too. And what the heck do you mean by “wants something?” There are no specifics to this list, so I can’t relate to it.
14. Your future husband asks about you and your life. An asshole couldn’t care less.

This “asshole” they speak of sounds like he has no heart. If you go on a first date and the guy asks nothing about yourself or your life, I’d be asking, “Why am I here?” What’s the point of dating if you’re not going to get to know each other. That should be like, the first red flag waving above his asshole head. If you continued to see this guy even after that, and for months on end, then once again, YOUR FAULT.

15. Your future husband is great in real life. An asshole looks good only on paper, if that.
What? Like a resume?

200-4

16. Your future husband treats you like a priority. An asshole makes you feel like a backup plan.

This is kind of the same thing as the happiness one. A backup plan…as in a booty call? One girl says she’s busy so he calls you? But at least he picked you right?……….

17. Your future husband does nice little things for you, just because. An asshole doesn’t.

What are these little things exactly? Leaves notes? Does the laundry for you? Buys you chocolate? These things are nice every once in a while, but might be a little too much if its excessive. If he does it every week, you will eventually not appreciate it anymore and it will be expected of him. That’s just a vicious cycle.

18. Your future husband wants to show you off to his friends and family. An asshole hides you from them.

Or maybe he’s protecting you from them….slip that one in your back pocket.
I know I’m being a little harsh with this, but this has got to be the worst list I’ve seen in a while. I may have been a little hypothetical but when the list is so unclear with their meaning, I can’t help but go there.

I’ve “dated” some pretty crappy dudes, so I’ve been on the struggle bus with you guys, but my decisions have been my own, and I don’t blame the other guys for them. I “dated” someone who said that I was a solid 4, maybe 5 out of 10! I’ve been that crazy, psycho chick before, but that’s my own fault and nobody else’s. This just sounded like blaming the “asshole” for your poor decisions. I understand some women really do struggle with these issues, and I feel for you, really I do, but find a way to fix it, and not with these stupid lists. You shouldn’t have to have a list tell you whether you’re with the right person. If you’re unsure or doubting it, own it.

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