Awkward, Humor, Internet Things, News, Sarcasm, Social Media

Recap of the Oscars

That was the most awkward Awards show next to Kanye – in fact, where was he? He should have been there to bask in the awkwardness with everyone. Maybe he would have stopped numerous things from happening. Instead of highlighting who won, I’d like to highlight the insanely weird and uncomfortable moments for me.

1. The Hannibal Lecter

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I swear he was going to skin Idina and turn her into a lampshade. What is with his excessive groping and kissing and touching? I bet they could smell the potato chips he ate earlier that day. When did he become a creepy dude? Has he always been this way and my vision of Danny Zuko from Grease just blinded me from it?

2. Oprah Glare

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I had my eye on Oprah the whole time. I’m not a huge Oprah fan. I feel like she’s always there, somewhere, judging hardcore with those Oprah glares. If nobody else noticed her major, what do you call it? “Shade”. You’re missing out.

3. The Mother-Daughter Bonding Time

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First of all, Melanie Griffith better not be denying she’s gotten some work done because we all know she’s a liar. Her face didn’t move during her entire appearance on the red carpet. Secondly, she still talks like she’s 12.

That conversation about whether or not she’d see her daughter, Dakota Johnson butt naked getting slammed from behind with whips and blind folds and chains and floggers was an extremely uncomfortable moment. The fact that Dakota even wants her mother to see it disturbs me a little bit. Who actually wants their parent to witness them having sex? I don’t care if it’s fake and it’s just a movie! It was more like a porno and you know it!

4. NPH Jokes Gone Wrong

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What happened Neil? You’re usually a hoot! While he had some pretty decent jokes, not all of them went over well.

Examples:

There it is, American Sniper with Bradley Cooper. The most prolific sniper in history, with over 160 confirmed kills. Or, as Harvey Weinstein calls it, a slow morning.

[The Best Picture nominees] have grossed over $600 million. American Sniper alone is responsible for $300 million of that…To put that in perspective, on this side of the theater is the seven other nominees. And American Sniper is Oprah. [Looks at Oprah] ‘Cause you’re rich.

Tonight we honor Hollywood’s best and whitest … I mean brightest

While others were yelling through Twitter; “#BringEllenBack”, I couldn’t help but be on NPH’s side even more. I mean, who can overcome that wonderful Ellen hosting from last year? NO ONE. So don’t blame NPH…he tried.

5. The Fact That Anybody Bashed Lady Gaga

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I got so mad that anybody said, “Well, she’s no Julie Andrews.” NO SHIT! But she still did a flawless job and it surprised me beyond belief. She gave me chills. For once, she didn’t hide behind her techno voice altered crap like Nicki Minaj, and you just heard Lady Gaga in the flesh. It was absolutely stunning and she looked naturally gorgeous. Thank god she didn’t stumble out in her famous meat dress.

6. Chrissy Teigen is still babyless.

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I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a couple to conceive so much before. I heard Chrissy cried for like, two hours after her husband John Legend won an Oscar. For that, they need to add a baby to the mix.

7. #AskHerMore

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Okay, so I totally get 100% why they have this whole #AskHerMore thing. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, the actresses requested to basically stop asking them what they are wearing and simply ask them about their success and their accomplishments from this past year. OF COURSE I want to know what Reese Witherspoon learned while filming Wild because it was a fantastic movie and definitely a challenge for the actress.

BUT, I feel weird about this. Personally, if I ever, ever, ever go to the Oscars, and it’s my one and only Oscars I ever go to, I’d like someone to point out by saying, “Man, you look fabulous! What dress are you wearing and why did you choose it?” I would be royally pissed if nobody even mentioned what I’m wearing. I’d feel like a total princess the whole evening and I’d like someone to at least acknowledge it! These women who are asking for the #AskHerMore have done the Oscars thing a million times before, so I get it, they’re sick of the dress questions.

Not only is this awards show about moving pictures, but it’s about the arts too. And fashion goes under that category as well. Average people like myself like to know what you are wearing and why.

For example, at the 2014 Oscars:

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It’s a blue that reminds me of Nairobi, so I wanted to have a little bit of home. I have a little froggy here which is my family totem.

Believe it or not, some actresses choose their dresses for a reason, not just because it’s pretty. Personally, I think it’s totally fine to ask an actress about her dress, and then dive into her accomplishments. “Why don’t they ask this to the male actors?” you ask. Well…

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Other than maybe pointing out the color, you mean to tell me you actually care about the tuxedos?

8. Patricia Arquette’s Speech

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So, I don’t want to completely judge this one because I haven’t seen Boyhood  yet. Maybe what she said had something to do with it? I’m a lady, and I’m all for equal pay – it would be weird if I wasn’t. But, there is a certain time and place for political rants in my opinion, and unless this actually has something to do with the movie she represents, I didn’t see the need for it right then and there. I was totally lost. Unless someone can clarify, I’m not going to dive too much into this one.

 

That about sums it up. What were some of your favorite/awkward/brilliant/hated moments of the Oscars?

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9 thoughts on “Recap of the Oscars

  1. I’m so mad at myself, I totally forgot the Oscars were on last night because I was too busy playing the Sims lol. Although I did see John Travolta being creepy (which fascinates me to no end) all over the news today so I’m hoping I can watch a replay on the internet somewhere

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  2. I had a few thoughts on that 3 1/2 hour whatever you wanna call it. John Travolta made himself look even worse, I can’t stand Oprah and that show made it even more apparent, NPH started strong then faded fast, with the low point of him coming out in his underwear, I though Gaga sang great, but the trumpet was distracting, and what the crap was Sean Penn asking at the end? WHY WOULD HE SAY THAT?

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  3. So I’m mad. I thought that you hadn’t written in forever but turns out you’re not showing in my reader. I’m following you but you’re not showing and I’m going to cry big tears of chocolate chips (mainly because I just ate a cookie, I assume my tears would be chocolate flavored).

    ANYWAYS… I LOVED NPH. I liked his bad jokes. I would still love him if it turns out he’s a secret Nazi. I thought he was amazing.
    I was one of those people who couldn’t comprehend anyone but Julie Andrews singing Sound of Music. Not that I was BASHING Gaga because I thought she did a great job. I’m just Sound of Music obsessed and if I hear any voice other than Julie Andrews I’m uncomfortable. Hers is the voice I’ve listened to since I was a wee lass.
    John Travolta needs a retraining order from the entire world. Send him to mars.

    Your Oscar recap post was on point!

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s so odd! Maybe you’re just missing me my accident 😦

      It’s very unfortunate that nobody was having any of his jokes that night. It’s almost like everyone walked in tense and uncomfortable from the beginning, so he was pretty doomed from the start. And I agree, John Travolta should get a restraining FAST. Or be tied up in chains but something tells me he would like that….

      Liked by 1 person

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