Just a warning, this post is going to be totally random with a few different stories thrown in together. I’ve had an eventful 24 hours. Sam is away in Vegas for the NBA conference as an intern, and because he is gone until Tuesday, I pictured my weekend consisting of this: Pizza, lots of school work and reading, some arts and crafts for my neighbors baby shower, and the ID channel. My neighbor across the hall invited me to go out with her and her friends last night, so I figured I would branch out and go out with them. I haven’t gone “out out” in quite some time. Sam would argue that but usually when we decide to get a little crazy and “go out”, it means we head to the bar down the street and are home by 10. Don’t get me wrong, I love our nights out, but every once in a while it’s nice to actually stay out late. Anyways, I was really excited about this. I don’t have a group of friends out here yet, let alone girlfriends. We have our neighbors whom we love and see almost all weekend, but I don’t have a shopping buddy, or girls to grab a coffee with, or have lunch with. Considering I’ve been living with a boy for the past two and a half years, and are now living far away from family and friends, I really miss having “girl talk”. So I of course jumped to the opportunity to go out with fellow females. We first went to this dive bar that played 60’s music. I love dive bars more than clubs. It has more color to it, and personality. Clubs all look exactly the same to me. They also dumped baby powder all over the floors to dance in, which I didn’t quite understand considering it was already easy enough to do the twist without it. Back-up story: I’ve only gone out without Sam ONCE. It’s not something I ever do not because I’m scared, but because of that dreaded feeling when you are with a group of single girls and suddenly they are not there anymore because a guy bought them a drink. So now you’re the dumpy friend in the corner feeling awkward and uncomfortable because you are obviously not there to meet a fellow. Usually when this happens, everyone thinks I’m in a bad mood when really, I’m just wishing Sam was here to talk to as I’m not contributing to any conversation happening around me. The last time this happened, I was a sophomore in college and had been dating Sam for 6 months. I went out with my friends and as soon as we entered the party, all four of them split off and were in a corner talking to a guy. So, there I am, standing there, not knowing anybody, and a little frustrated. I immediately texted Sam and met him somewhere else. I haven’t gone out without him since then, really. Occasionally I’ll go to a chill-out bar with a close friend, but it’s not nearly the same. So last night, this didn’t exactly happen as everyone I was with was extremely nice and personable. One of them was a kick-ass dancer and was totally snubbed for the “Best Dancer of the Night” award. But I also didn’t know any of them very well. Like I stated before, I will, at most, stay out until 12:30ish. Once I’ve hit that time, I’m just about done. However, I didn’t want to be rude to the people around me who wanted to continue their night at another bar with some more dancing, and then eventually Denny’s. My neighbor could tell I was a little agitated, and I was trying really hard to put on a brave face. But all that was rolling in my head was this: All I wanted in that moment were my pajamas, tea that I actually like, and my book. I even pictured getting home at a decent hour and writing a little bit. I’m usually the most inspired late at night with a few drinks in me. Seriously, what happened? I used to love going out and dancing, and then I realized, I grew up into an entirely different person. My idea of a great night is snuggling up on my couch reading Tolstoy and watching murder mystery shows and talking to all of you. And I don’t even care that it’s a Saturday night, because that is exactly what I’ll be doing tonight, and I can’t fucking wait. I think after my freshman and sophomore year in college, I’m all partied out. I even tried to find a way out last night by contacting an Uber. Last thing I wanted was to be the Debbie Downer and guilt everyone into going home. I never want to be that person. But I also didn’t expect to come home at 3am after having only two drinks because after that 2nd one, I wasn’t feeling it anymore. I know for a fact that if Sam were there, I would have had a grand time and danced the night away to The Beatles. I just want to reiterate that the people I was with were fantastic. They included me in conversations, were hilarious, and completely outgoing. Which made me realize how quiet, shy, and reserved I really am, but I’m okay with that. Today was perfect for me. I slept in, watched Sex and the City, finished my baby shower project for next weekend, and went to my very first movie all by myself. I decided to go see The Duff because I knew Sam would never want to see it and what a perfect opportunity being home alone and treating myself. I know the movie prices have been beat to death already, but $11 for a small popcorn and small drink? What the hell is the popcorn made out of? Are the kernels going to magically turn me into Kate Middleton, the future Queen of England? NO. Also, why do they have to fancy up the stupid fountain drinks? I’m talking about the electronic, touch screen fountains that give you 100 options of different sodas. I had to help this poor elderly man use the SODA FOUNTAIN. He’s using his finger, clicking at random crap, looking completely lost and vulnerable, searching for an employee to help him get his simple Diet Coke. I was waiting behind him and showed him how to work it. The poor guy was stressed out, and then I just got so mad at society for making this stupid soda fountain because of situations like this. All he wanted was his Diet Coke, and it took him five minutes to get it. And I never thought I would get so heated about a soda fountain. P.S. You should go see The Duff. It was pretty good. I haven’t seen a real teenage movie like that since John Tucker Must Die.
So after a Buzzfeed video, and talking to my close friends, I realized how much of a huge introvert I am. It all makes so much sense, and I wish I had figured this out a lot sooner so that I could explain to people that, no I’m not mad, I’m not upset, I’m not annoyed. I’m just listening, digesting your words and thinking. I have an entirely different view of life right now, and it feels good.