Humor, Internet Things, Social Media

My Priorities During a Zombie Apocalypse

You know those really stupid quizzes and lists on Facebook that somehow appear on your news feed? The “How Long Could You Survive In Medieval Times?” and “19 Signs That You’re About to Break Up With Your Boyfriend”. And of course they suck you in with their stupidity because it has become a better pastime than baseball. Well, I came across, “When and Where Would You Die In A Zombie Apocalypse?”

The results are based off your Facebook profile. These were my results:

d

.

This is 100% accurate.

First off, I give myself some credit for getting out of California. That had to be a bitch. Number one rule in a zombie apocalypse: Do not be anywhere near California. There are far too many people here that you’d be dead in an instant. At least I thought to go to the Midwest where it’s nothing but farmland. Like in The Walking Dead when they are in a field chatting and you just see a zombie dude in the distance and nobody seems to give a shit.

Secondly, I’m glad I only last 19 days. Anything longer than that I probably would have handed myself over to a field of zombies to end it all. I always thought that if I lived in some slasher horror movie, I would be one of the last ones to die, if at all. I’m small which means I can hide in small spaces, and I actually use my brain and would be like, “Get the keys and let’s drive away like a normal person!” And why is it that characters like Michael Meyers only walk to their next target, very slowly I must add, and he can still find them and kill them? Clearly his victims are asking for it if they can’t sprint away and you know, find actual help. But a zombie apocalypse? Who would actually want to survive that? That would be so lonely. Especially if all of your friends and family turned into one, and strangers turn on each other for resources. You wouldn’t be able to trust anybody. Forget about dating, forget about procreating, and forget about ice cream. Hell no.

200

And lastly, I’m very thrilled that I turn into a zombie because I played with a zombie dog. How awesome is that? I don’t doubt that this would happen considering it would have probably been 19 days since I last saw a dog. Of course I’m going to get excited and try to pet/snuggle one when I see it. I’d probably dash right over to it without hesitating and tackle it, regardless of whose dog it belongs to. I do that now.

l

And then what happens? The dog turns on me, bites my leg, and then I slowly turn into a zombie. That’s pretty tame. At least it wasn’t by a pack of zombie people ripping apart my organs and brain. No shpanks.

gh

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11 thoughts on “My Priorities During a Zombie Apocalypse

  1. I did a post on this about a year and a half ago and it basically said that I would allow the zombies to take me, then become one myself. Then I would be a lazy one that didn’t really go after others and just sit around watching TV. Why would I do work once I became a zombie?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Funny as usual Jessie. My only comment is connected to the Adele gif at the end. For some reason, it looked to me like she was a guest on the game show “Family Fued”. I guess the background made me think that? I don’t know. Either way, I haven’t seen Family Fued in ages, but I would make an effort to DVR an episode with Adele on it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s funny that you mention Family Feud because I just watched it the other day. Some of the things they come up with are so vague and strange. One of them was, “Celebrities who are probably good at giving advice on sex.” I’m like, “THAT COULD BE ANYBODY.” Someone said, “Dr. Phil” and I was immediately grossed out.

      Like

  3. I wrote a post once asking why nobody ever just hops on a bicycle and pedals away when zombies are in pursuit. Zombies are slow and cars are too undependable with all the Jiffy Lubes vacant – seems pretty obvious to me. I’m convinced that half the cast of TWD would still be alive if only there’d been a Huffy or Schwinn nearby.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I remember watching a 1960’s version of a zombie movie, and they moved at a pace of a sloth. And I still can’t figure out how everybody turned into a zombie. Unless it’s 28 Days Later, where the zombies seem to run at like 40 mph, in which case, understandable.

      Liked by 1 person

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