I’m currently on week 11 of marathon training. My mileage is getting up there meaning I have to get up at 6am on Saturdays and run 10+ miles. Which means I have to limit my amount of fun on Fridays if I don’t want to feel like this:
I actually get pretty psyched with my long runs on Saturdays because I’m starting to finally feel good. My tummy isn’t flailing around all over the place anymore, and weirdly enough, I’ve found it relaxing. Lately, I’ve been feeling like this:
Until I run past a glass tinted window and see myself in the reflection and then reality sets in. Damn.
I prepare my music and start on the beach path to run for god knows how long and it gives me plenty of time to observe. Getting up that early on a Saturday means there is hardly anyone else out on the beach, which gives me a higher chance of being kidnapped and killed. YAYYYYYY for being female. So not only am I aware of deadly predators on the loose, I’m also watching other runners as they wave at me or pass by. I don’t fully wake up until I reach mile 2.
And I seriously have to ask…why do girls wear their hair down while jogging? It just reminds me of all the times I went to the gym at college and saw girls decked out in heavy make-up, fake eyelashes, and lipstick with their hair perfectly straightened while on the elliptical, level one, pushing their legs up like they’re in a Nickelodeon cartoon. (FYI…that’s doing absolutely NOTHING for you.)
I know a lot of people go to the gym just to meet their next relationship, or college hook-up, whatever. As soon as I sat on the mat to stretch, I’d see one guy in particular just circle the perimeter of the whole gym (our gym was small). He’d lift some weights crying out, “One…two…three…one-hundred.” He’d then wipe his forehead of fake sweat, circle the gym some more, perform three crunches, and then circle again. Like a hound dog, sniffing out the single ladies on the treadmill. It was highly uncomfortable.
So as I’m jogging, sweating like a pig, my hair all frizzed out from a good night’s sleep, basically wearing the shirt I slept in, and I see a girl run by with her hair all the way down to her back, I shudder. Aren’t you hot? It’s like 80 degrees out! Muggy. And nobody is out here so who are you trying to impress? I’m just really confused. Doesn’t it stick to your neck when you sweat? Isn’t it distracting when it gets caught underneath your armpit? I’m sorry, but I have so many questions.
There are many types of people when it comes to exercising that I can’t seem to shake.
First off, there’s that extremely old guy who looks like he’s 110 years old, and he’s so cute and adorable shuffling his feet one right after another, but you know you have to pass him at some point and you feel really bad about it so you lower your speed just slightly so that you don’t look like the Road Runner.
Then theres the bimbo like I’ve mentioned before with boobs up to her ears with heavy make-up when it’s only 6am.
There’s the guy in European short shorts where he reveals much more than your poor, tired heart can handle.
There’s the professional runner who zooms past you, and then passes you again going the opposite way and you know she’s running 5 minute miles.
And then the muscle head Snooki man who runs with his shirt off, watching how his hair does not move with the wind, and you pray to God you never have to see him again.
And then that random person who matches your speed the whole way no matter how much you slow down or speed up.
I guess everyone has their own taste when it comes to running. Mine apparently is the half-asleep-and-drooling-my-way-through-mile-four.