You’re sitting in a bar sipping on Sam Adams Summer Ale, feeling feisty and alive on a cool summer night. Suddenly, you hear, “Okay, blonde walking by, blonde walking by, good lord. What would you rate her?”
All the pleasantness of the evening has been swept away because you now realize you’re the only damn chick sitting at this table. You take a good look around, at least four or five other men around you, and suddenly you feel Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak cover you up and you can now listen in on the average man’s conversation without spying. It’s like a super power.
I find myself in this situation quite often. Since I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 5 years, I’m used to incidences when I’m the only girl in the conversation. It’s never on purpose because when asked if I’d like to go to that taco place down the street, I’m always asking, “Who’s going?” Not because I’m afraid somebody I don’t like will show up, but I need to know if I’m going to need my Grade A chatty-face, or if I will be able to zone out for an hour.
This is typically what happens:
We show up to the bar, and no matter what, the dudes are always friendly. Then the attention span leads to the television, which typically has some sort of sporting event taking place. I’m hardly included in that conversation which is totally cool because I probably could not hold that conversation and I would be seen as a dud.
Even if I did try to act interested, there’s a good chance I’ll then be questioned with, “Oh, you like the Red Sox? Prove it by naming five players on the team.” And to be honest, I’m never in the mood for that shit.
Within thirty minutes, I’m treated like any other dude. I hear ungodly sounds come from every area of their bodies, and I listen to their girl troubles, internet dating, and more sports.
There are some perks to having Only-Girl Syndrome. Some of them include giving your heart felt advice and letting them know that when their girlfriend says she’s “fine” after an argument, she’s anything but. I almost always get free drinks because I’m that cool chick that doesn’t judge them for their incessant need to drink. Serious conversations rarely occur because frankly, they don’t know me well enough. A girl I’ve known for ten minutes could tell me her life story and sometimes, I just really don’t care.
Some side effects include being treated like a man, always and forever. In my case, being a heterosexual female, no, I did not check out those girls breasts. Sorry I didn’t get a good look. Maybe next time. And when you hear and witness double standards, bite your tongue. The few times I’ve voiced my concerns with the double standards has backfired, and it will most likely not change their mind. You will then have a very miserable evening. You’re not their mother.
How to survive Only-Girl Syndrome: drink loads of alcohol if your heart desires it. This will enable you to be more chatty than usual, and you will spit out something really outrageously hilarious and unexpected. It’s kind of like your initiation into the Boy’s Club. Once you’ve done that, they will trust you whole heartedly.
Tell a funny and not very lady-like story. I’m sure you have one somewhere in the back of your mind.
Stuff your face with hot wings and fries. If you’re not feeling this Only-Girl Syndrome experience, keep shoving food into your mouth to keep yourself out of the conversation. At least you’re eating delicious food in the process.
Simply say you’re not feeling well and head home.
Coming across Only-Girl Syndrome can sometimes be difficult. For some of us, we are out of our comfort zone and can feel left out when we want to be included. The first experience can be awkward but it’s a hump you must get over, and once you do, it’s kind of a blast. It’s new knowledge to your noggin’ and it can be useful later on.