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The Not-So-Pinteresty Post On Slutty Brownies

SluttyBrownies

Every year, I’m pretty bad at putting together Christmas gifts in a timely fashion. Once I’ve realized Christmas is only a couple of weeks away, I then resort to baked goods. Everyone loves baked goods. They may hate you for it at the end of the day because you basically force fed them an additional ten pounds to their waistline, but it’s still always appreciated. When in doubt, bake out.

This is my second year making Slutty Brownies, and they are always a big hit. They are delicious, creative, and they have a kickass name. I’m here to share with you the recipe that will give your relatives and friends diabetes.

P.S. I most definitely found this recipe on Pinterest. Therefore, I will add my own commentary to this recipe to give you a better visual.

What you need:

Brownie Mix

Cookie Dough

Oreos

Vegetable Oil

Sexual Healing

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What you first need to do is start with some foreplay. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. That will really spice things up for all of this sugary magic. Then grease the pan gently with some vegetable oil. Maybe turn on some Marvin Gaye while you’re at it to really set the mood. Dim the lights. Dance with the cookie dough to make it feel loved and special.

Pull apart the cookie dough and spread it evenly across the bottom of the pan. I first used a spoon to spread it out, but that may be too Fifty Shades of Grey for the cookie dough and you don’t want to freak it out too much. If that happens, ditch the spoon and just massage it into the pan.

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Once the cookie dough feels comfortable while in your presence, start placing the Oreo cookies on top of the dough. Just one by one, line them up like you’re about to snort a line of Oreo.

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Start creating the batch of brownie mix! Just follow the instructions on the box. If you can’t do that, just drop dead now.

Once the brownie mix is whipped and tossed, and possibly licked off of a spoon a few times, lather the batter on top of the cookie dough and Oreos like it’s a scene of JFK behind closed doors and Jackie O is out running errands. Pour the batter evenly on top.

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Now that the deed is done, place it in the oven and let bake. Most of the recipes on Pinterest tell you 30 minutes, but that’s a lie. It takes more like an hour. After about 40 minutes, poke the top with a knife or tooth pick and if brownie fluids come out, bake it for longer. Common sense.

Voila.

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A baby. A beautifully delicious, most likely out-of-wedlock brownie baby.

Heat it up and add a scoop of ice cream if you want to get really crazy.

Now, I don’t want to ruin my first Holiday Contest New Years Surprise Box to whoever the winner will be on Christmas Day, but I MAY just add a few of these lovebirds in the box. You can’t go on living without trying at least one. You guys have until December 24th to send me your holiday stories via email at jreyna91@gmail.com! Check out my post here!

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18 thoughts on “The Not-So-Pinteresty Post On Slutty Brownies

  1. Pingback: Christmas | You're Fine

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