For my 25th birthday, my mom gave me an Ancestry DNA kit. I produced enough saliva to fill a trough and spit into a tube to send off to the lab to find out any outrageous information about my DNA. I’ve already had a pretty good idea about my ancestral background. It’s known that I’m about half Mexican along with English and Welsh, and a tiny bit of Native American blood. But there is always a chance we could have been wrong all these years, or oblivious to some family information. Well, I finally got my test results back and they are…interesting.
The test doesn’t give you a full detailed list of all the ethnic backgrounds flowing in your blood stream. They give you a percentage of the general region, naming the countries listed within that region. Basically, if you’re 25% “Native American”, it states that this region consists of the U.S., Canada, and Central and South America. It doesn’t mean you’re 25% Puerto Rican. It just means 25% of you hails from this general area. That way, if you are building your family tree and you see your 7th great-grandfather crossed the border from Alberta, it won’t seem so random and out of place.
Here are my outrageously astounding test results you probably don’t care about at all but I’m going to tell you anyways:
31% Native American
Like I said, it states this region is primarily North, Central, and South America. I don’t specifically know what it entails but my first thought was, “I should play Pocahontas in Once Upon A Time.”
This includes Belgium, France, Germany, Netherlands, Switzerland, Luxembourg, and Liechtenstein. Why hasn’t my modeling career skyrocketed?
I can officially place the Italian flag bumper sticker on my car like every other damn Italian to let other people know I’m effing Italian! If only I had actually moved to Jersey….
8% Great Britain
I’m actually surprised I’m not more British than I’ve been told. I was so sure I was going to find out I’m the long lost cousin of Prince William and Harry, and then be grossly mortified because of how gorgeous I think they are. Well, Harry at least. William let himself go just a tad….
I always knew I marched to the beat of my own drum, all thanks to these guys.
4% Iberian Peninsula
Spain and Portugal…now I definitely missed my modeling career opportunity.
2% Africa North
This includes Morocco, Western Sahara, Algeria, and Libya. I’m Africa bound to learn more about this deep culture of mine. (Can you smell the sarcasm?)
Includes Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia, Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Turkey. So I’m the next Kardashian? GOD HELP ME.
>1% African Bantu
South Africa, Kenya, Namibia, Botswana, Zimbabwe, Zambia, Angola, Tanzania, Mozambique, and Uganda.
What would happen if I showed up to these countries and was like, “MY PEOPLE!!”? Feel free to share your guesses.
>1% Finland/Northwest Russia
I didn’t mind Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina.
>1% Middle East
Syria, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Oman, Yemen, United Arab Emirates (UAE), Lebanon, and Israel. A bit random if you ask me…..
Those are my astounding results. I hope you enjoyed my first reactions.