Family, Home, Humor, I'm not a mommy blogger, Out of the Ordinary

I Took a DNA Test

For my 25th birthday, my mom gave me an Ancestry DNA kit. I produced enough saliva to fill a trough and spit into a tube to send off to the lab to find out any outrageous information about my DNA. I’ve already had a pretty good idea about my ancestral background. It’s known that I’m about half Mexican along with English and Welsh, and a tiny bit of Native American blood. But there is always a chance we could have been wrong all these years, or oblivious to some family information. Well, I finally got my test results back and they are…interesting.

The test doesn’t give you a full detailed list of all the ethnic backgrounds flowing in your blood stream. They give you a percentage of the general region, naming the countries listed within that region. Basically, if you’re 25% “Native American”, it states that this region consists of the U.S., Canada, and Central and South America. It doesn’t mean you’re 25% Puerto Rican. It just means 25% of you hails from this general area. That way, if you are building your family tree and you see your 7th great-grandfather crossed the border from Alberta, it won’t seem so random and out of place.

Here are my outrageously astounding test results you probably don’t care about at all but I’m going to tell you anyways:

31% Native American

Like I said, it states this region is primarily North, Central, and South America. I don’t specifically know what it entails but my first thought was, “I should play Pocahontas in Once Upon A Time.”

pocahontas34% Europe West

This includes Belgium, France, Germany, Netherlands, Switzerland, Luxembourg, and Liechtenstein. Why hasn’t my modeling career skyrocketed?

9% Italy/Greece

I can officially place the Italian flag bumper sticker on my car like every other damn Italian to let other people know I’m effing Italian! If only I had actually moved to Jersey….

8% Great Britain

I’m actually surprised I’m not more British than I’ve been told. I was so sure I was going to find out I’m the long lost cousin of Prince William and Harry, and then be grossly mortified because of how gorgeous I think they are. Well, Harry at least. William let himself go just a tad….

7% Scandinavian

I always knew I marched to the beat of my own drum, all thanks to these guys.

4% Iberian Peninsula

Spain and Portugal…now I definitely missed my modeling career opportunity.

2% Africa North

This includes Morocco, Western Sahara, Algeria, and Libya. I’m Africa bound to learn more about this deep culture of mine. (Can you smell the sarcasm?)

1% Caucasus

Includes Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia, Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Turkey. So I’m the next Kardashian? GOD HELP ME.

>1% African Bantu

South Africa, Kenya, Namibia, Botswana, Zimbabwe, Zambia, Angola, Tanzania, Mozambique, and Uganda.

What would happen if I showed up to these countries and was like, “MY PEOPLE!!”? Feel free to share your guesses.

>1% Finland/Northwest Russia

I didn’t mind Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina.

>1% Ireland

I find this hilarious and strange since my grandmother on my father’s side always said she was half Irish. Well then…..200

>1% Middle East

Syria, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Oman, Yemen, United Arab Emirates (UAE), Lebanon, and Israel. A bit random if you ask me…..

Those are my astounding results. I hope you enjoyed my first reactions.


21 thoughts on “I Took a DNA Test

  1. When I saw “1% Caucasus”, my mind immediately went to “1% of the caucases reporting” and then I forgot where I was for a second because politics has taken over my brain functioning. Also, it’s a good thing you’re not as Irish as once thought because being Irish is poo and makes you have to drink all the time. This is really cool, I want to take one of these tests because I think I’m Jewish somewhere but people tell me it doesn’t tell you if you’re Jewish and I’m like, “Mine will.” Hahaha

    Liked by 1 person

      • Sometimes I want to convert, but I don’t know if they’d want me. Also, Jesus is cool so it’s hard to say. I thought my bf was Jewish when I first met him and was all hyped about that but it turned out he was just Italian and also from a Catholic family which kinda bummed me out lol

        Liked by 1 person

      • OMG JESSIE!! I took the 23 and me test too so now I’ll know for sure! I just sent the box out today so when I know the results, I’ll let you know.

        P.S. I had no idea it was filling a tube with spit, it says normal people take 2-5 minutes but I was spitting into that thing for like 20 lol

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hahaha, that’s good, you clearly are a badass spit-wise! I blame myself for being a secret spitter (like when no one’s around I spit a lot like a trash bag woman) and I kept trying to imagine delicious food and men but it still took forever. I’m so excited to find out if I’m an Ashkenazi Jew! haha (fingers crossed)

        Liked by 1 person

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