It is now officially June. ‘Tis wedding season, folks! I wrote a post back in September about the TLC Wedding Shows, and now I have an updated list of wedding etiquette we should all be following. I’ve now been invited to a fair share of weddings, especially this year. It seems everyone is getting married, and if you’re one of them, just know, I hate you.
I don’t hate you because you’re getting married and I want to get married. No, no, no. I hate you because now I have to deal with other people around the wedding buzz, and at times, it can be unbearable.
Here is a list of things I personally believe you should avoid, whether you’re the one getting married, or you’re attending a wedding.
If You’re Getting Hitched…
1.) Please don’t send me an engagement announcement.
I’ve received wedding announcements via snail mail. Some couples spend like, $800 or more to take engagement photos, which is perfectly adequate and normal. But then to use that and spend an additional $100 on making engagement announcements just to inform me you’re engaged when I already saw it on your Instagram post is a waste of time and money. You’re already spending a butt load of money and you haven’t even started planning the wedding yet. I liked your post on Instagram. I maybe even texted you. That’s all you and I need.
2.) Don’t get sloppy with your guest list.
I know someone, let’s call him Derek, and his roommate from college is getting married this weekend. Derek hasn’t spoken to this former roommate in a year or two. The roommate texted Derek two weeks before the wedding, asking if he was coming. Derek said, “I haven’t received an invitation, but if I’m invited, I’d love to come!” The roommate said, “Wonderful. I’ll send the details soon.” A week goes by and Derek hears of nothing. The roommate finally texts Derek and says, “Hey man. I’m sorry. The guest list got all screwy. You’re still welcome to come, but it will cost you a lot of money.” First of all, are you charging Derek $75 to attend the wedding for his meal? Secondly, let Derek decide whether it’s a lot of money.
Never, ever do that! It looks so tacky and unorganized. At least if you are unorganized, make everyone believe you’re organized. Derek assumes that the roommate felt obligated to invite him, and then by slipping in that it will cost him a lot of money to attend, was secretly hoping he would not attend at all. It’s much more rude to ask someone to attend at last minute than it is to not ask them at all.
3.) Don’t ask outsiders who they want to invite.
Say you have a close friend, and they want to bring a plus one. If you have it in the budget, go ahead and give that person a plus one. But don’t ask your great aunt Midge who she wants to invite to the wedding, especially if it’s a dozen people you’ve either never met, or have only met once in your entire life. Your great aunt Midge is not the one getting married. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard of couples complaining about how large their guest list is, and then go on to say they’ve invited 50 people they’ve never met before. I then ask why, and they say, “Well, my uncle really wants them there.” WHY? Why does your uncle care so much? Tell your uncle to pay for them then.
If You’re Attending The Wedding…
1.) Oh, the bridesmaids!
Bridesmaids are almost completely useless nowadays. For my generation, many bridesmaids forget that claiming the bridesmaid crown means more than just wearing a pretty dress and locking arms with a groomsman down the aisle on the big day. Bridesmaids actually have duties. My mother describes it perfectly, “Think of the bride as a princess and we are her maids.” The bride is asking you to be a bridesmaid because she needs your help and assistance with things that may be out of her control. They need to help with the Bachelorette party planning, and the wedding shower, and assist in picking items out for the registry. On the actual wedding day, if the bride is in the middle of getting her hair done and she says she’s thirsty, offer to grab her a water.
Another thing that bugs me about bridesmaids is their highly opinionated thoughts on dresses. If the bride wants me to wear a clown suit, I’ll wear the clown suit. I’m not the one getting married. I would never tell the bride that I hate the dress she picked out for the bridesmaids because it’s rude and insensitive, and you shouldn’t either.
2.) The registry pickle.
If you’re unsure what gift to buy the bride and groom, a card with a gift card inside is perfectly fine. Especially if you don’t have the time and money to find an expensive blender. But most couples pick out items and place them on a registry for their upcoming wedding shower to make it easier on guests attending. Number one rule: always, always, always claim the item as purchased once you’ve actually purchased it. Some people forget, and then boom, the wedding shower arrives and the bride has received three ice cream makers. And now she has to find time to bring two of them back and hopefully they both have gift receipts.
3.) Comparing and contrasting.
This brings me back to the TLC wedding shows where all it is is comparing and contrasting between weddings. Don’t compare your wedding, or future wedding plans, to the wedding you are currently attending. There are many reasons I say no to this. Number one: nobody cares. Number two: You are two completely different people with different styles. No judging allowed. Think of this like Planet Fitness! Same mind set. If the bride wanted a doughnut wall instead of a traditional cake (I found this idea on Pinterest and I’m stealing it), just say, “Oh that’s interesting and cool.” Grab a doughnut and then move on.
I hope you all find this useful to you during the 2016 wedding season, and have now become the best damn bride/guests your friends have ever asked for.