Anecdote, Family, Humor, Out of the Ordinary, You're Fine

That time Joan Crawford was my great Nana and I fell for a job scam.

I’ve had an emotionally weird ten hours. And for six of those hours, I’ve been unconscious. Let’s first discuss my strange dream where I discovered Joan Crawford was my great-grandmother.

jcrawford_gl_21feb11_rex_b_426x639I sat at the kitchen table with my grandparents. My Grampy loves to tell stories. He casually starts mentioning the abuse he dealt with at the hands of his mother, Joan Crawford.

My jaw dropped to the floor.

I’m related to Joan Crawford?!” I yelled.

I completely ignored the fact that my Grampy sat there explaining to me the trauma he experienced being strapped to his bed without food or water for days.

I was too wrapped up in the idea that I had gone 25 years without knowing that my great Nana was a famous movie star with abusive and sadistic capabilities.

So while my Grampy described his unfortunate upbringing with THE Mommie Dearest, I had this reaction:

200I woke up this morning dazed and confused. I did in fact Google Joan Crawford a few days ago, so that explains the random family connection I made up in my head. But the fact that I showed no sympathy for my poor Grampy is what’s concerning to me.

I think back to a conversation I had with a friend and Mr. Jess last night on our way to trivia. Our friend, we can call him Blue, was having lady troubles. A girl he really liked was an extremely insecure person, and constantly needed acceptance from her ex-boyfriend, even though he spent majority of their relationship cheating on her. Well, the girl told the ex that her and Blue were involved and BOOM, all of a sudden he wanted to get back together.

Not so all-of-a-sudden, I’m sure.

She decided to get back together with dickwad instead of being with Blue, and her reasoning was, “We have a history.”


“Yeah, well, I have a history with diapers. Doesn’t mean I’m going to go back to wearing diapers,” said Mr. Jess. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

I can never understand why people use that as an excuse to get back together with an ex. Of course you have a history! I have a history with all of my exes. Doesn’t mean I’m going to get back together with them. So, when Blue asked for my opinion, my first response was, “Good riddance.” Green Day style.

It’s like when people say, “I’ve been hurt once before…”

Oh, really? Just once, huh? MUST BE NICE. I’ve been hurt a million times. Shit happens.

And then after they act like being hurt is a brand new concept, they say, “I’m very guarded. I put my walls up.”

No, no you don’t. If you are telling someone that you’re guarded, you’re not actually guarded because you’re capable of talking about your feelings which is exactly what you’re doing. Hence, not guarded.

So, am I a mean spirited person? No, I don’t think so. I just have very little patience, I suppose. Maybe my subconscious was telling me that I have no sympathy, just like Joan Crawford.

Back to my emotional ten hours. I pondered this strange dream during my morning commute to work when I got an email from a job posting I applied for days before, telling me I’m a potential candidate for the position. I started shaking my wheel like a lunatic, I was so excited. The pay was AMAZING, the benefits AMAZING, and the commute AMAZING. I got to my desk at work to open the email and read it more carefully. I decided to Google the company and peruse their website. The only problem was….THEY HAD NO WEBSITE.


I started to get a little suspicious. The only thing Google could show me was listing after listing of the same job title I applied for in various parts of the country, and to email the same woman I emailed. Only ONE woman in a company full of “9,000” employees is handling HR, huh? I THINK NOT.

I determined that the job was a scam. And I wanted to cry.

But then my mother emailed me to inform me her client is going to buy one of my paintings. So it’s been a roller coaster of a morning between being ecstatic and joyous, to being extremely annoyed in about two seconds, and then back to being ecstatic.

Maybe it’s the rain. I’m just going to blame the rain.


11 thoughts on “That time Joan Crawford was my great Nana and I fell for a job scam.

  1. Wow and I thought I had a strange dream last night. You’ve had a full day and it’s not even lunch time. If that job scam was a dream I would’ve blamed it on our discussion about the Internet being full of sketchy people but it was a real life thing! And that line about having a history with diapers was incredible hahah

    Liked by 1 person

    • I also take melatonin to help me sleep, so that could definitely explain the bizarre dream haha and I laughed for a good ten minutes at the Mr. Jess line because it was too perfect. You must explain your dream now because I’m curious!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I was sitting at one of those fancy wood desks in an important place (don’t know, felt like a castle?) and then all of a sudden there was a hostage situation and I hid under my desk but forced my body in an arc shape so the bad guy walking by my desk wouldn’t see my legs underneath. Terribly uncomfortable. Anyways, I escaped with this other girl and was running through a tunnel which felt like a really long set of portables at school, and then all of a sudden I was back in my high school and couldn’t find my locker or the girl I escaped with. I’m sure they’ll make a movie about this one day.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hahaha I was just visually trying to picture your body deforming under a desk and I giggled. It sounds like Liam Neeson would play you. Very, very Liam Neeson-esque. Then when he finds out who took the random girl he’ll say, “I have a very particular set of skills…”

        Liked by 1 person

  2. My comeback for someone saying they have history with another guy would be, “But you have a future with me.” Of course, I would think of that comeback about six hours after the conversation was over and she was already back with the douchebag that treated her like crap for the last three years. Wow, that sounded way too specific to have been made up. But, I promise, totally made up.

    BTW, thanks for ending your post saying you’re blaming it on the rain. Now I’ll have Milli Vanilli’s “Blame It On the Rain” stuck in my head all day. Not that they actually sang it. But there it is. Phantom singers in my head singing “Blame It On the Rain.”

    Liked by 1 person

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