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Harry Potter made me realize I have strange taste in men.

No, I did not have a crush on Harry Potter. Some consider him an underdog, but I don’t. He was viewed as a hero from the time he was six months old when he “defeated” Voldemort with his cuteness. A few weeks ago, Mr. Jess and I were discussing Harry Potter when we saw Me Before You because Matthew Lewis plays a self-obsessed athlete. Most of you remember him as buck-toothed Neville Longbottom.

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Neville Longbottom was the character I had a crush on. He’s the most underrated character in the whole series until pretty much the end when he surprised everyone with his awesomeness I already knew he had. I thought he was so adorable in the books and the movies. I looked at him with puppy dog eyes.

Then suddenly, KAPOW, he appeared out of nowhere looking like this:

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Everyone on social media went nuts for the former Neville Longbottom. Most of the comments were, “Neville got hot!”

He was always cute, you fools! Stop jumping on my bandwagon!

Yeah, you! I said get. Shoo!

So now, everyone loves him.

Even Mr. Jess was surprised that my life-long Harry Potter crush was Neville Longbottom, which made him curious as to the other celebrities I admire. When I told him, he only had questions…and confusion.

For the longest time, I had a crush on Michael Cera ever since I watched Juno.

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I still daydream about marrying Dylan O’Brien.

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“Dylan effing O’Brien!?”

“YES. 100% YES.”

So Mr. Jess decided to test me, and it didn’t turn out the way he expected.

“David Beckham,” he started. I made a grotesque face. “Are you serious? You do realize he was voted one of the sexiest men alive, right?

“Yeah, I know…” I answered. “He’s whatever.”

“He’s also one of the greatest soccer players,” he defended.

“Eh. I don’t really watch soccer so that doesn’t affect me.”

“Alexander Skarsgård.”

“Who?”

“He’s in the new Tarzan movie. Trust me, once you see a picture, you’ll probably want to see it.”

He pulled out his phone and showed me a photo.

“Nah,” I replied.

“I don’t understand. You’re into really strange men.”

“I don’t like a ton of muscle. They look like beef cakes,” I answered.

I’ve already confessed my love for Conan O’Brien too.

“What is it about them exactly?”

I thought for a minute or two to figure out what all of these men had in common.

“They make me laugh,” I answered.

“But it’s David Beckham…you’re the only girl I know who doesn’t seem interested.”

“He’s married to Posh Spice. How funny could he possibly be?”

My suspicion for funny men was confirmed last night after finishing The Butterfly Effect Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. By the end of the book, Neville Longbottom was dropped down to number two. Wanna know who took first place?

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DRACO MALFOY.

Weird, right? He was such a little shit throughout the whole series and then the 8th (and hopefully final) book, he charmed me.

It all started when the gang arrived in Godric’s Hollow, and Hermione mentions that it has turned into kind of a vacation spot for muggles. Draco looks around thoughtfully and says, “I can see why. Oh look, a farmer’s market.” Say that out loud in a British accent and tell me you didn’t just fall in love with this demon seed.

He turned into such a dork, and I love it. On top of that, he created the most adorable child and best friend to Albus Potter, Scorpius.

Sorry, Neville. You’ve been replaced.

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15 thoughts on “Harry Potter made me realize I have strange taste in men.

  1. OMG Dylan O’Brien is the cutest thing in the world. He’s a little too young for me to fully look at attractively but he’s definitely a celebrity I would have had a crush on a few years ago. I’ll take humor over muscles any day of the week.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel the need to comment but have no clue what to say/where to start. Uhhh. The first 3 guys on this list all kinda looks the same/give off a childlike face.

    And that’s the extent of my analysis.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Yes. That’s exactly what I meant.

        Haha Neville as a kid has a childlike face, did he not? And Michael Cera has looked and sounded like an 11 year old for year, no? I’ll give you a break on the third guy because I have no clue who he is.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure that Michael Cera is on my list of people I’d like to punch in the face. I don’t have a particular reason. He didn’t do or say anything that necessarily offends me. I just really want to punch him in his stupid face. No offense or anything…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahahah that’s okay! I saw a friend of mine tweeted the other day that if Michael Cera died, it wouldn’t be a huge loss. He’s not really up on the top of my list anymore of people I’d like to marry haha

      Liked by 1 person

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