I’ve only been to a handful of concerts in my life. My first one was to see Joey McIntyre with my sisters and my mom. I was probably seven at the time. Some of you might remember him from New Kids on the Block. I went to see Jewel when I was twelve and it was just as mellow as you could imagine. I saw Panic! at the Disco somewhere around sixteen, then The All-American Rejects when I was eighteen, some random country band that I don’t remember the name of in college, Mumford and Sons back in June, and then recently last weekend Blink-182.
I can easily say that I hate going to concerts. I don’t understand how people could go to Coachella. I expressed this while living in California when my neighbor said, “It’s unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. Coachella is a place to go when you really want to get into the music.” A little shrooms and acid probably helped his situation. I absolutely love music. I can’t drive in a car, go for a walk, or clean my apartment without it. But I don’t love it so much that I feel the need to experience it live with thousands of other people in a dirty stadium, side by side like a bunch of sardines.
Let me just give you my list of reasons for despising concerts.
1.) Constantly needing to pee.
Finding a bathroom in a crowd of twenty thousand people is terrible. Not only do you have a high chance of getting lost in the sea of people and not finding your way back, but you most likely have to stand in a line, or go to the bathroom in a porta potty. Just the very idea of going to the bathroom sounds exhausting and I’d rather get a UTI.
2.) Dealing with other people.
Half of them are screaming in your ear while the other half are drunk or high off something and bother you to no end. You have to watch other people dance, and that’s usually painful. They are always bumping into you, or you have to avoid a mosh pit.
3.) If you’re short, you probably can’t see a thing.
At least they have a TV screen so you can see what’s happening on stage, right?
4.) There’s a lot of standing involved.
You’re standing in line for food, for the bathroom, to get into the concert, to leave the concert, watching the actual concert and before you know it, you’ve been standing longer than the viewing of Gone with the Wind, including the intermission.
And we do all of this for the low low price of $200, approximately.
I’d rather stay home and listen to their music on iTunes while singing in a hairbrush and my cat hides under the covers.