Awkward, Girls, Humor

Shopping with Men: My Thoughts

I’m trying to tackle the psychological reasoning behind girls bringing their male significant others shopping. I feel like since the beginning of my time here on planet earth, I’ve been one of the few percent who hate shopping with boys. I truly despise the experience. If I walk into a store and I spot a boy tagging along with his girlfriend to the point that he should just wear a leash, I make a B line to the other end of the store to avoid him at all costs. Why, you ask? Because I can smell the fresh scent of an awkward death by hanger approaching. Or I’m just trying to convince the males of the universe that I naturally look this wonderful and I put zero effort into it at all. It’s probably a mix of both.

Remember that Good Charlotte band? Did they fall off the face of the earth or have I been out of the loop? Anyways, they wrote this song called “Boys & Girls” where they claim girls don’t like boys, girls like cars and money. Sure, if you’re a famous man with unlimited fortune. But for the average Joe, I’ve never seen this happen. You don’t see some Target sales manager in his thirties being dragged by his girlfriend to Gucci stores and drooling over his 1996 Hyundai. So I call bullshit on Good Charlotte and everything angsty that they represent.
From my observation, there are two types of girls who bring boys with them to go shopping. The first is the girl who has the unrealistic sense that her boyfriend is going to give her fashion advice. This is where those girls just keeping digging themselves into a hole. Her expectations are that her boyfriend is going to be like, “Oh Amanda, teal works perfectly with your skin tone.” Guys are smart because they know they cannot say anything negative about the floral blouse his girlfriend just picked out because that will result in a 24 hour fight where she calls him crying and yelling, “YOU THINK I’M FAT, DON’T YOU?”
Instead, it looks a little more like this:
The boyfriend looks up from his phone.
“What do you think of this?”
“Um, yeah. Looks great,” he says. And then before you know it, you’re purchasing an outfit that closely resembles the customers of Walmart that Buzzfeed keeps posting as if it’s news. All because you dragged your boyfriend who most likely does not want to be there and will do and say just about anything to keep his sanity.

fgfdgThe second type of girl is the one who expects her boyfriend to pay for these items. This also makes no sense to me because majority of the dudes I see following their girlfriends around the racks are teenagers. And they don’t have any money. I don’t care if he makes $10.50 an hour at the water park working part-time. He has no money to spare. So hold onto that $5 Claire’s ring tightly because that’s all you’re getting for a long time.
But what bothers me about it is the never ending topic of feminism. It’s what we all wanted, isn’t it? So by pulling your boyfriend into a store, finding a pair of jeans and looking at him with puppy dog eyes isn’t setting us back fifty years, then I don’t know what. If you’re a working woman, buy the damn jeans yourself. If you’re not a working woman, better go ask your mom!
I recently went shopping with Mr. Jess and it was as awkward as you could imagine. Mostly on my part. We went to the Outlets in Connecticut and each store we passed, he asked me if I wanted to go in. I felt like a toddler being asked by her parents if she wanted to sit on Santa’s lap but he seemed a lot bigger in person than she’d imagined so she instead backed away slowly nearly knocking down the Christmas tree. I kept nodding my head shyly, secretly hoping he’d be like, “Hey, I need a tie. Let’s go in here.”

We walked up to a Brooks Brothers and we both made eye contact that we should maybe sorta kinda go in. Only we walked in, stared at each other in silence before Mr. Jess finally said, “I don’t actually have an interest in this store.” And I said, “I don’t either.” We stroked a shirt and ran out. We were in the store for a total of fifteen seconds.
When we found J. Crew (which, by the way, I’d like to be buried in, in case any of you bloggers are responsible for the placement of my dead body), I was finally in my happy place. That is, until Mr. Jess said he wanted to buy me something. I followed it with an “ICK” noise, and then a, “Why?” He seemed confused by my reaction. When a guy asks to buy me something, I immediately feel like this is a Hugh Hefner moment, and I’m just one of his playmates he’s trying to amuse. After I apologized for my response as if he had just told me he had Ebola, I politely declined the offer. Most girls probably would have slapped me. I guess it’s just how I’m wired.
Perhaps I’m the weird one. Feel free to express that to me.


17 thoughts on “Shopping with Men: My Thoughts

  1. HAHA love this!!
    I hate shopping with guys, especially my boyfriend he is the worst, on the odd occasion when we have gone shopping he wanders at the back of me with the grumpiest face or repeatedly says ‘theres a bar across the street’ he doesn’t even drink very much, Haha!
    If I ask him for an opinion on an outfit I usually always go for the one he likes least.
    However if I’m honest I probably prefer being a solo shopper>

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Auntie Dy says:

    I hate shopping with men too ! Brian always asks me if I want to go , but I would rather shop alone . I feel Iike I can’t take my time and look at the things I want . I just feel uncomfortable .The thing is …he wouldn’t care about how long I took or what my desires were , he would get me anything I want , but I would rather take the visa and solo shop .

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hate shopping. My most recent experience was with two women I work with while we were driving back to Virginia from a conference in Georgia. I had nothing positive to say in any of the stores we visited at that outlet mall in South Carolina. I was snarky and sarcastic the entire time. And we just keep on discovering the reasons I’m forever alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am not a big fan of shopping in general. When I do go shopping, I like to go alone. I went shopping with my boyfriend last weekend, only because I wait till the last minute and had to get my sister a birthday gift. It’s definitely not something I want to do on a regular basis. It mostly consisted of him making dumb comments about the clothes and me not wanting to even bother looking at anything cause he was with me. Shopping is much better done solo.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I won’t even let my hubby go GROCERY shopping with me. That eggplant is waaay too purple. Does this applewood smoked bacon make me look fat? Why do organic eggs cost four times as much as regular ones? Yikes. And clothing is a whole ‘nother level of annoying. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahahaha I hate grocery shopping! To it’s annoying little core. Luckily, Mr. Jess loves grocery shopping. I’m the one sulking behind wondering if he’s done looking over the pineapple.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. “We stroked a shirt and ran out” hahaha that’s what I do in stores. I just touch everything and leave. This might be common knowledge, but guys hate shopping with girls. I remember last year me and some friends went for lunch around Christmas and there was a mall across the street which we went to afterwards. 3 guys, 3 girls. The girls went in a store, and we hung out outside it like security guards, staring in the window to see if they were going to be making their way back to the front of the store any time soon. I’m convinced fences are put in malls for guys.

    Liked by 1 person

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