**This contains spoilers. If you intend to watch the movie or read the book, you best stop here mate.**
A long, long while back, I wrote a post that basically made fun of the movie Troy. I’m back again to do the same thing as it has been far too long. A few months ago I read Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins, and I devoured it in about three days. It’s a murder mystery book centered around a drunk named Rachel who may have something to do with the disappearance of Megan Hipwell. I personally enjoyed the book, especially for someone who doesn’t typically read murder mysteries. What freaked me out the most was the fact that Megan Hipwell too closely resembled me, minus the promiscuity.
Some similarities between myself and Megan Hipwell:
- She was an artist.
- She had interests working in an art gallery.
- She couldn’t find a job and resorted to being a nanny for a little while.
- She was in a unhealthy relationship that contained lies, secrets, and spying.
- Drunken Rachel doesn’t actually know Megan but only from a distance on the train as she passes her house, and Rachel gives her the name “Jess”.
- Megan is not keen on uncomfortable situations and avoids them at all costs.
- She was bored and lonely.
- She was restless.
Nearly every situation and personality trait, other than the fact that Megan tried masturbating in front of her therapist, matched up with me.
I went to see the movie last night with Mr. Jess, and I feel as though I was laughing more than I should have for such a serious movie. The book left me in psychological disarray while the movie left me in stitches. Luckily, Mr. Jess laughed at all of the same parts as I did.
Rachel jumps on the 8:00am train to New York (in the book it’s London, but whatever). You think she’s going to a job, but in reality, she’s just riding the train getting schwasted and passing her old house in Ardsley that she used to share with her husband, Tom, but he cheated on her with his current wife Anna because Rachel was too busy downing a bottle or two of wine every night. Turns out, she couldn’t get pregnant while married to Tom and it devastated her to the point of drunken stupor. As she rides the train, she notices a young couple in a house just a few doors down from her old one. To her, they are everything she wants. They seem loving, affectionate, and horny all of the time since she has seen them having sex multiple times from the train. She’s just a sad mess of a human.
One morning, she sees Jess (aka Megan) kissing another man and she goes a bit nutty. She gets rip roaring drunk, goes on the train, decides she wants to confront Jess and call her a “whore”, but she’s so drunk she can’t remember a thing. She wakes up the next morning covered in
mudblood, mud and blood and then suddenly, Jess is missing.
Megan is a very complex character because she has many secrets. She also can’t seem to keep her panties on. Seriously, girl? STOP HAVING SEX IN FRONT OF WINDOWS. I avoid windows like cats avoid water. I’m always assuming someone is watching. At least put some curtains up. Damn.
Anyways, that’s not even all of it. She stands on her terrace in a bra and panties, watching the train go by. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, MEGAN. WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS NAKED? People can see you! You’re drop dead gorgeous, therefore, you are not invisible.
Okay, let’s try this again. She’s trying to seduce her therapist, which I believe is just a way to prove that she can take and screw whoever she wants. She’s married to a controlling man who reads her emails, yet she finds it endearing no matter how many times her therapist says it’s not, and it’s just plain creepy. She’s having a secret affair with another mystery man, which I’ll get to later. <<< I’m sure this last sentence didn’t shock you.
He’s always slamming tables and shouting. No wonder Megan was doing the bang bang with some other dude. Nearly every scene involving them two, they were having sex, and it was always started by this guy. He clearly man-handled Megan like a table. Other than his wretched personality, there’s not much to his character or past that is even relevant to this blog post.
Anna is Tom’s current wife and mother of his child. She was the “other woman” when Tom was married to Rachel and now she’s been wifed up and living in Rachel’s former house, folding Rachel’s sheets and cleaning Rachel’s dining room table she picked out. Bitch. She really enjoyed the fact that she was the other woman, but all of a sudden she’s acting like Mother Teresa now that she has a baby. When Megan quits her job as their nanny, Anna says, “What other job is more important than being a mother?” Way to set females back fifty years! Good job, Anna.
THE MURDERER HIMSELF. Turns out, he knocked up Megan and when she tried to tell him, he killed her in a fit of rage with a rock in the woods. Such a classic scenario for Anna. She cheats with him, yet somehow doesn’t think he will just do the same thing to her. Idiot.
The ending scene is fabulous as the truth comes out. Anna is freaking out on him because she now knows he was doing the deed with Megan in their own house, and his response was, “You were so tired all the time…”
Of course she was you dickweed. She was taking care of your baby. Eventually, Rachel, out of self-defense, kills Tom with a wine opener (how poetic) in his backyard. Anna comes running out, bends down, and twists the opener lodged in his throat to “help”.
Anna and Rachel, bitter enemies…and now frenemies.
That’s it for my breakdown. If you still have an interest in the movie/book, here’s the trailer for your entertainment.