Thoughts, You're Fine

This is Not a Romcom

Go ahead and watch a romcom, or any type of movie for that matter, and analyze the breakups that occur in the movie. It’s the same formula every time.

The couples look at each other with a deep understanding that it’s not working out. Very little has to be said. Maybe the girl says, “I just, I just don’t know what I want.” And the guy nods his head, accepting the situation, maybe he kisses her on the forehead, and then he leaves. There have been very few movies I’ve watched where it’s a big blowout of a fight where harsh words are said, but it still only lasts about thirty seconds before each of them realize it’s over. Each on screen breakup is rather clean, like ripping a band-aid off that was covering a paper cut. For once, I’d like to see a real breakup, one that’s true in a film. The only one that was remotely close to being true was Amy Schumer’s movie Trainwreck, which I applauded her for. Maybe I wouldn’t have all of these expectations.

My breakup with Sam extended to about a month and a half. And it definitely was not clean. I recently broke things off with Mr. Jess as well, which got me thinking about my annoyance for on screen breakups. Everyone always talks about what it’s like to get dumped, but never about the dumper.

In reality, there’s a lot of pacing. There’s the anticipation of that person coming and knowing what you have to do. There’s the empty, caved feeling in the chest with a whirlwind of anxiety because you don’t actually want to do the act of breaking up, but you know it must be done for various reasons. Either the person arriving knows what’s about to happen, or they have no idea. Maybe you start hyperventilating, sweating through your shirt, because you’re of course not sure if you’re making a mistake or not. And then when they show up, you can’t seem to spit the words out because you know it’s going to hurt them, and you don’t actually want to hurt anyone, ever, so then you start spinning around the reason for the talk, hoping they are going to get it. It’s the part in those movies you are hoping for: the deep understanding when looking at each other, knowing things aren’t working out and you don’t have to even say it. But reality is, you do have to eventually say it because chances are, they are not going to understand just by looking at you.

*Cue the tears*

Yes. There is a lot of crying between the two people. There are a lot of comments like, “Why?” or, “I can’t believe this.” There are a lot of promises made by the person that you know fully well are not realistic, or could even be potentially damaging in the future. You know they are just saying those things to get you to stay. Then, several hours later, after many tissue boxes, the person leaves and you’re left in your own silence.

I hate breaking up with someone. I don’t get a kick out of it like some people think dumpers do. When I broke up with Sam, I got a lot of girls storming in months later telling me I inspired them. I took a stable lifestyle and smashed it to pieces with a baseball bat. They couldn’t believe I did such a thing, so they started looking at their life and what they wanted, and I somehow made them realize they could change it. But to the girls I inspired, just know, there is a lot more below the surface that many people don’t know about. It’s like looking at an ocean. The top of the ocean looks magical and beautiful. Even when you go underwater, you see wonderful things like seashells and fish, maybe even dolphins. But as you keep going, and going, and going, and it gets so dark to the point where you can’t even see, and you search for more creatures that maybe have never been identified, you might eventually drown. Just because a couple looks happy, healthy, and beautiful on the outside, doesn’t mean they are like that on the inside.

I am a very flawed person. I don’t actually know what I’m doing. I’m never 100% confident in everything I do or say. I just learned that if something doesn’t seem right, you have to go with it no matter how painful it is.

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