I have a friend, let’s call her Heather, and she’s been going through a bit of a rough time over the last couple of months and has been confiding in me. I think it’s nice to be sought out when the goings get tough. I do my best to give her advice, but let’s face it, I’m no Dr. Phil. Her life seems to be up in the air at the moment, and she’s stressed about her recent breakup from her fiancé, but I try to stay positive and let her know things will work out in the end.
And then this happened:
She asked me what my plans are for the following year, and if I regret any of the decisions I made in previous years when it came to my love life and jobs.
My honest answer was this:
I have no plans. The only plan that seems to stick right now is that I will be moving in with Colleen around February/March. We haven’t picked a location just yet, but we’ve narrowed it down to two places. We will be taking a mini vacation together next month to Charleston, and then I plan to go to England in the spring to visit my newly married friend. But that’s about it.
I have no plans for a job. I could end up working in a coffee house or a flower shop for all I care. As long as I make enough money to pay rent, buy art supplies, and pay my student loans (I like to pretend this one doesn’t happen every month), I’d be happy. I don’t really care about the rest. I think the main things Colleen and I agree on with each other is that we both need adventure, and possibly a prohibition styled apartment (that was her idea).
And even though I have zero idea what my concrete plans are, I don’t regret any of the decisions I’ve made.
This was her response:
“I’m so jealous of your life! It sounds so exciting and care-free. You seem to really have it together.”
What’s funny about this reaction from Heather is that I did not get this reaction at a recent Christmas party where I was the only single person and their response was a little more like, “Oh…alright then…”
I never felt so underachieved than I did in that moment.
However, this isn’t the first time I’ve gotten the “Your life seems so great!” comment. I’ve gotten it a bunch of times this year and I’ve been scratching my head trying to figure out why.
So here is a list of things to prove I don’t actually have my shit together.
1. I finally removed the month old stain on my carpet the other day.
2. I keep forgetting to give my asthmatic cat his steroids. I’m surprised he’s not dead yet.
3. There is literally nothing to eat in my apartment. I’m not just saying that. I think I have a stale box of Cheez-Its and some rice that I’m too lazy to actually cook.
4. ^ I forget what a grocery store looks like.
5. Some of my belongings are still packed in boxes. I moved into my apartment last March…
6. I STILL have not registered my car and I don’t intend to until I move again. Therefore, I’m illegally driving my car everyday.
7. I have split ends.
8. I come home from work every day and crawl into bed with my cat while watching either Gilmore Girls or Friends, but also contemplate going to the gym but then so much times passes that it’s not even worth it to go anymore.
9. I failed my Goodreads Reading Challenge, AGAIN. Unless I can somehow bust out four books in two days.
10. If you’re wondering why I haven’t been able to reach my reading goal, refer back to #8.
11. I still have canvases and frames sitting in my car from when I went home to NH in the beginning of November.
12. I haven’t managed to shave without cutting my legs at least twice.
13. I don’t moisturize enough.
14. The batteries in my electric toothbrush are out and I don’t feel like going to the store to buy more.
15. My Christmas tree will definitely stand tall for another two months.
16. I’m terrible at cleaning my paintbrushes.
17. I don’t have the confidence to wear red lipstick all the time like I want to.
18. I have a resting bitch face. I’m really trying to work on that.
19. I get a slight boost of anxiety every time I open my bank account.
20. It took me months to figure out that the sign at Planet Fitness that says “Leave egos here” doesn’t say “Leave eggos here”. It makes a lot more sense now.
21. I’ve been paying $65 a month for cable and internet, and I never was able to hook the cable up myself. So I’m still paying for cable even though I technically don’t have it. Why? you ask. Because then that means I have to sit on the phone with my cable company for 30 minutes, most likely talking to a machine and listening to customer service grunt about how I should have cable, and I’d honestly rather pay the extra $20 a month until I move.
So there you have it. I don’t have it together any more than the rest of you, I’m sure.
Please share some of your bad habits with me in the comments. I think we all need a good laugh.