Awkward, Dating, Girls, Humor, Thoughts, You're Fine

Single Schmingle: Conversations with Hey Meghan

I did kind of a sad thing yesterday. I googled “How to Casually Date”. Some of you may be on the same train. If so, welcome aboard the Casually Dating Express. There are no Chocolate Frogs, Pumpkin Pasties, or Cauldron Cakes on this express. Instead, there are the Traumatizing Truffles, Confusing Cookies, and Humiliating Hobbob’s (I don’t know what a Hobbob is. I made it up. Why am I not a famous novelist yet for such brilliant creativity?).

I found a wonderful article on Thought Catalog titled “24 Thoughts Every Chronic Over-Thinker Has While Attempting To ‘Casually Date’”. I found it hilarious and a little heart-warming considering the entire list was filled with my very thoughts. I related way too much to number 5.

I want to be on Tinder, it feels like Tinder is a place I should be, and yet there’s some part of me that is convinced someone I’ll know will be on there and they’ll know I’m actively seeking love and I won’t look cool I’ll look thirsty and they’ll go home and say to their friends, oh I saw them on Tinder guess they’re lonely. Oh my god I can’t do Tinder.

I’ve been single for three months and I’m not sad about it. In fact, as I’m writing this, I’m being a basic bitch and sitting in a coffee shop with my laptop Carrie Bradshawing it because I needed to get out of the apartment and explore my new town. And guess what? I can stay in this very seat for as long as I want. I have nowhere to be after this, and it feels nice. I’ve always been extremely monogamous. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but if you were to ask me what my type of man is, I’d have no answer for you. I have no idea because I’ve never dated around. I’ve also never been the type of person to cut someone out over something small. For instance, if I was to meet someone and they were like, “I hate travelling and I have no interest in it”, that would normally not be a deal breaker for me even though I absolutely love to travel. But maybe it should be. There’s a difference in being picky and being a brat. If I want to travel to a new country every year, I want to date someone who wants to do that too.

So, I found myself googling “How to casually date” because I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to “dating”. I think the fact that I gave my number to three different men in the last week proves that because I wasn’t entirely interested in them in the first place. But I sat in bed and realized that with all three men, I had the exact same conversation over and over again.

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“Where did you grow up? What do you do? How old are you?” Blah, blah, blah. Boring. It’s like a broken record. It’s to the point where I can’t even remember what their answers were because it’s all the same.

As soon as a man starts talking to me, I forget how to human. My intelligence is gone, I have nothing of importance to say, and I get tongue-tied. I’m fully aware that I’m acting like an idiot, but I don’t know how to turn it off.

Let’s turn to my blogger friend Meghan (go follow her blog if you haven’t already). I texted her explaining my awkwardness and since she is newly single (well, kind of), we decided to collaborate a series of blog posts consisting of our weird interactions with the opposite sex. Is this a dating blog? No, not really. If this blog turned into a dating blog, just go ahead and unfollow me now because I have nothing concrete to say and you’ll probably end up an old, battered person with not just cats, but parrots, geese, chickens, and maybe a llama.

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This is what Meghan has to say about her predicament:

Oh hi there is it my turn?! Well for those who know I just got “dumped” Aka the guy I had been casually seeing for the last year said he no longer saw a future with me. OUCHHHH. If you want to punch someone in the heart tell them that. Instant ouch. I was already “single” but now I’m SUPER SINGLE. I don’t really think I’m ready to mingle yet. At this point I’m just waiting for my secret fantasy to come true. What is that you ask?!?!
WELL:
I’m at a concert and some super hot rocker guy is on stage and see’s me in the crowd and instantly falls for me. He hunts me down after their set and the rest is history. He will write cute but slightly emo songs about how much he loves me and will have cute little kids with mohawks and converse.

YEAH…..okay I’m just embarrassing myself right now. That will never happen.

Being in your mid 20’s and dating is weird. I have friends getting married and having kids. I on the other hand can’t even keep a cactus alive and would eat dino nuggets every night for dinner if I had the choice. I guess we are all at different stages of life??

J: I’d eat Dino nuggets all day every day.

M: Dude I just bought more. They are great.

J: So you basically want to marry Tony Hawk?

M: More like Kellin Quinn. Tony Hawk is old. 

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J: My aunt told me to find someone 10-15 years older than me. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that.

M: Ewww. I have a five year limit. 

J: Is your dream to go back in time to 2003?

M: Maybe…

J: My dream is to find a man casually wearing a Doug t-shirt. Is that weird?

M: Bwahahahaha. Slightly but very you. 

J: It would match my Reptar t-shirt. I feel like I’m not asking for much.

M: I was just thinking that. I have a Legends of the Hidden Temple t-shirt. 

J: STOP IT. I forgot about that show. I should just start wearing my Reptar shirt when I go out. See how many suitors comment on it.

M: DO IT. DO IT NOW.


So it’s official. Next Single Schmingle post will reveal if Meghan has found her 2003 lover and switched over to different nuggets, and I will attempt to wear my Reptar shirt out to a bar to see if men either think I’m weird as hell or think it’s absolutely amazing. There’s only one way to find out, right?

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29 thoughts on “Single Schmingle: Conversations with Hey Meghan

  1. Pingback: Jess and I have started a new series about being single, 25 and well awkward. Enjoy. « Hey Meghan...

  2. Casually dating is literally the best and worst thing at the same time. The majority of the dates are going to be the worst and you’ll just be waiting til you can leave. But then you’ll get those rare dates that are so awesome.

    I am also going to say something that is going to sound offensive to older, single men but it’s a theory that my friend and I have. It hasn’t been proven wrong since. I get suspicious of men that are 32+ and single. Unless they have a legit reason for being single (working to build their own business, traveling the world, etc.), I noticed that it’s usually because they have a fear of commitment. They also tend to be immature. I’m sure there are exceptions to the rule but that has been my experience when dating. So I don’t really agree with the 10-15 years older advice.

    Liked by 4 people

    • I actually look forward to the horrible dates haha at least for now. And that’s a decent theory to have! I hate that to some people, there’s a right and wrong way to dating because it’s different for everybody, which is why I’ve been feeling like a chicken with its head cut off haha

      Like

      • Dating really is different for everyone. Everyone has their own dating style and everyone gets something different out of each date. All that matters is that you’re having fun and always doing things that make you comfortable. And the horrible dates make for really great stories.

        Liked by 1 person

    • commutingwithkristen says:

      I totally agree. Older is better when it comes to men (and wine) but let’s not get carried away with going a full decade older and possibly starting a weird daddy complex of sorts.

      Also- Tony Hawk is definitely too old. I met him like 8 years ago and he was old back then.

      Liked by 3 people

  3. Why would you ever switch away from dino nuggets?! I had a weird encounter with the opposite sex yesterday (and blogged about it, of course) and honestly if I weren’t in a relationship I’d be rethinking the leaning of my bisexuality because guys can be SO. INFURIATING.

    Tinder is only fun when you’re tinder-ing for someone else. Maybe you and Meghan should swap Tinder accounts for a night and see who you match each other with!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Single Schmingle: Conversations with Hey Meghan « Hey Meghan...

  5. Bahahaha! This great. If you think dating in your mid-twenties is rough, try it in your mid-thirties.

    “Oh, you’ve never been married, you’re attractive, you’re intelligent, you have a great sense of humor. How many bunnies have you boiled?”

    Add having a daughter into the mix, when you don’t introduce women to her until you’re sure it’s going somewhere, and casual dating no longer exists.
    I have the cats. A llama might be my next go-to.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Some thoughts as I read… I’ve never been good at dating. If I ever get married, it’ll probably have to be because someone arranged marriaged me. And I don’t think my problem is a commitment issue. I’m fine with commitment. She just wants to be my friend. Every. Time… Now that I’m off Whole30, one of the first things I bought was a bag full of Dino nuggets… Like Meghan, I once had a 5 year limit. These days, all the women who fall into that 5 year radius are married…

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I broke down & made a Bumble today, so that I could browse dudes in the area. I was hoping I would see a batch of classic gentlemen, so that I would be motivated to leave my house on Friday &/or Saturday nights, in search of my Prince Charming. Instead, I’ve swiped left on 97% of all the options. Douche, Douche, Semi Douche, You’re alright, douche, douche. It didn’t help restore any hope in the male gender, or my fairytale dream.
    I look forward to hearing about the Reptar idea – I think it’s solid.
    And where the hell are our Husbands?!
    .xo.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. It’s been a long time since I’ve been personally interested in dating, casual or otherwise, but Meghan’s remark, “Being in your mid 20’s and dating is weird.”, reminded me of something I’ve wondered about for years. You see, the happiest couples I’ve known all married late — usually in their early thirties. It’s given me the impression that marrying late might have some advantages. Perhaps with age and experience comes better judgement of who one is compatible with? I really don’t know. But I keep guessing about it!

    Liked by 1 person

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