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I Don’t Want to Be a Princess

We can go ahead and consider this a new Single Schmingle installment since I’ve discussed this very topic with Myka and Meghan. Bear with me here.

I always thought Mia Thermopolis was crazy. Who wouldn’t want to wake up one day and find out they’re a princess? The girl got a full blown makeover for free, a millions beautiful ball gowns, a tiara she got to wear occasionally, and full service at her disposal. Granted, if you’re introverted like Mia, all of that attention can make you feel like you have a thousand tiny ants crawling all over your body. You’re uncomfortable nearly all the time. You might even feel guilty. And I am exactly like that.

Something Colleen said to me last week struck a chord with me and I can’t shake it off. After I told her the complete switch in enthusiasm from Navy Man when I told him I wanted to be casual and friendly, she said, “You shouldn’t have said anything. You should have just let him treat you like the princess you are.”

“But I don’t want to be treated like a princess,” I said.

“Why the hell not?”

I thought about this for the past few days. I can’t be the only girl out there who feels uncomfortable using a guy to feel special, only to know that I’m not actually interested in him. I’m shocked that girls actually do this. They let these guys take them out to fancy restaurants, buy them presents, and then whisper to their girlfriends that they don’t really like him, they’re just waiting out the storm.

I feel weird if a guy even pays for me all the time. I just don’t think it’s necessary. I’m the type that if a man brings me to a fancy restaurant, I’ll order the cheapest item on the menu. I’m more of a hot-dog-cart-with-a-side-of-cheesy-fries kind of girl. But I know that’s just how my mom raised me. She always said, “Never depend on a man. Learn how to take care of yourself.” I think a mother with three daughters has to feed them that mindset nowadays. Especially a single mother.

Of course, it’s always nice to get pampered every once in a while. Some flowers or an ice cream run when I’m feeling down. But nothing major. I’ve been in relationships where I never got those things, mostly because we grew too comfortable with each other that we forgot how to appreciate one another. And even if those small gestures did happen, I was so surprised by the event that I was asking a million questions to figure out why it was happening.

I can’t help but wonder what would happen if the roles were reversed. What if was the one to ask a guy out on a date? What if was the one to court the guy around and pay for the date? This isn’t some feminist, all mighty woman power post. It’s just a thought. How would the date turn out in the end? Would it be the same? I feel like with every date, the guy is the one who is trying to impress, meanwhile, I think the girl should be equally impressive. We don’t give men enough credit. Some women out there might roll their eyes at that last statement but I’m serious. It takes a lot of guts to ask someone out. And then you have to take that person out and all of the pressure is on them to impress them, and make sure they’re having a good time. Here I am, nervous for nearly every single date, when it seems all I really have to do is stand there and look pretty, maybe laugh at his jokes, and share an anecdote or two. That’s my only job.

I’ve never laughed over a guy asking me out on a date. I’m always flattered, no matter who they are. But men get rejected all the time. For women, it’s once in a blue moon. And when it happens, it doesn’t feel good, does it? Let’s face it, ladies. When it comes to casually dating, we’re kind of spoiled. Even if you never make it to date number 2, you still got a free meal.

However, after discussing this with Myka and Meghan why we may perhaps feel weird about going on dates, no matter how long we’ve been doing it, it could be the slight chance that men have kind of given up. In 2017, a typical date is “Netflix and Chill”. We could have done that in the comfort of our own home. You invite us over to “watch a movie”. We know what that means, gentleman. We suddenly feel like they don’t want to actually get to know us, because who discusses life, hobbies, and family in the middle of a movie?

Of course, this post is all over the place. A lot of it may be contradicting. But that’s just because I’m another crazy woman who doesn’t know what she wants.


11 thoughts on “I Don’t Want to Be a Princess

  1. “But men get rejected all the time. For women, it’s once in a blue moon. And when it happens, it doesn’t feel good, does it?”

    “Dating” as a thing people do with different people has only been a thing here in Ireland since the rise of Tinder (actual dates over drinks/food wasn’t really a thing here before that), so my perspective is probably a little off, but if men get rejected all the time they’ve probably grown a thick enough skin regarding being turned down? I think when you’re not used to something it can be way more of a shock than if it happens every second Thursday…

    I was definitely a bit of a tomboy princess when I was sixteen and flexing my attraction muscles for the first time; I took advantage of puppy dog boys to see how far I could push them, testing out my teenage awkward bumbling power. It was more of a selfish curiosity (how far would they go for me?) rather than a pointed manipulation with a goal in mind…

    …And then I grew up.

    I grew up and realised we’re all the same and actions have consequences, even if you can’t see them. You can hurt people without even knowing it. As Sunscreen says, ‘Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.” I really think that applies to respecting people as well. Respecting their time, their money, their effort. Even if you’re not into them, respect them as a person and don’t lead them into investing time/money/effort into something that you know will only leave them disappointed and/or heartbroken.

    Put good in the world. Hope you get good back.

    I don’t know, that’s just my (long-winded) thought on the matter…

    Liked by 1 person

    • When you’re a kid/teenager, it’s fun to test the waters and it’s still considered innocent. But then to do that when you’re an adult when you know right from wrong is where it gets weird for me to fathom. I loved the comment, Quinn! Thank you for sharing your thoughtsn

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I get so uncomfortable when a guy pays for me. When I’m on a date, I’ll purposely order a cheap item from the menu like you said. I’m with you on the whole being pampered thing. Small gestures like flowers or a cupcake mean a lot more and don’t make me feel as though I’m being bought.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Healthy relationships are equal relationships that require mutual respect. I would never be in a relationship just to get stuff. The whole idea of it sounds appalling to me, actually. I suppose some men might feel superior bring in that position? But again, not mutual. I don’t want to be princess, either. I can treat myself thank you very much.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Please enjoy this next installment of Single smingle « Hey Meghan...

  5. From a guy’s perspective, we have to hear just about every day on social media how chivalry is dead and all that nonsense so when a guy finally takes a girl on a date and she offers to pay for herself, I think guy’s might feel like that is a test and if they don’t insist on paying, they’ve failed. I think we are so far gone into a world of “this is what a guy should do” and “this is what a girl should do” that a date feels like both sides are acting. I mean, opening a car door or pulling a chair out for your date is a nice gesture, but if a guy doesn’t do it, are they a terrible person? Now I’m ranting.

    Liked by 1 person

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