Attempting to talk sports, Festivities, Humor, Thoughts

19 Thoughts While Filling Out My March Madness Bracket

‘Tis my favorite time of year. Let the March Madness begin.

  1. This is happening. It’s happening. Oh my god it’s happeningggggggg.
  2. There’s something so satisfying about filling out a bracket.
  3. I think I’m sexually attracted to March Madness brackets.
  4. Hmmmm Wisconsin or Virginia Tech?
  5. GOING WITH VIRGINIA TECH BECAUSE I’M A SPICY MAMMA.
  6. Isn’t Baylor a form of Ibuprofen?
  7. I just Googled it. It’s not. But it sounds like it could be, doesn’t it?
  8. Ask your doctor about Baylor today. Side effects include…
  9. I swear to God, Baylor is some kind of pill. Allergy pill? Anyone? If you find the pill, please let me know so that I can stop feeling crazy.
  10. Purdue sounds like a type of soup.
  11. When I say Gonzaga, it sounds like the dramatized version of “Mufasa”. And now I’ve potentially ruined Gonzaga for you. You’re welcome.
  12. Why am I not tweeting this shit?
  13. I feel like those gamers with the headsets and four different screens in front of them while filling out my bracket.
  14. This is the first year I’m betting money with a group. I better win.
  15. Heart palpitations.
  16. Water water water.
  17. Heart palpitations.
  18. North Carolina, do not fail me. Go for the gold.
  19. And now I get to do this all over again with a second bracket. And I cannot wait.
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Festivities, Humor, I'm not a mommy blogger, Out of the Ordinary, Sarcasm

Valentine’s Day Cards

No, this is not an anti-Valentine’s Day post. I’m not one of those single people who overly emphasizes that I’m alone on this holiday, or writes “Singletines” rather than “Valentine’s”. I don’t mind Valentine’s Day. Although, if you do write mushy messages to each other on social media, please know that neither I nor the rest of the world cares, and we wish you would stop. I don’t want to see it on any normal day, and to me, Valentine’s Day is just like every other day.

Now that we got that out of the way, I’d like to discuss Valentine’s Day cards. I don’t like those overly sentimental greeting cards. You know, the ones with the really fancy cursive font with a floral painting and some kind of cheesy poem inside. I don’t care for those. I like the sarcastic ones. I just got my Nana a birthday card that says “You’re Awful” on the front, but then peel the entire card open and it says, “You are awesome and wonderful.” I like that crap.

I’m not trying to brag or anything, but my family should start a greeting card business. Every time there’s a family party for someone’s birthday, my uncle goes to the store and grabs a handful of cards. I don’t even think he looks at them. He just picks out about 15 cards at random and then modifies them when he gets home.

So, I’ve decided to modify some Valentine’s Day cards I found online. I think they are a bit more original.

A big shout out to my mother, my aunt, and my two sisters for helping me out with these. I couldn’t have done it without that family wit. We should all be in therapy.

1.)

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2.)

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3.)

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4.)

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5.)

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6.)

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7.)

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8.)

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9.)

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But in all seriousness, I wish you all a happy Valentine’s Day. To me, you are all my valentines. Plus, my cat. I can’t forget about my cat.

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A Letter to Santa

Paul yelled at me. He demanded that I write a letter to Santa from the POV of when I was little. You don’t believe me? Take a look at the comments. He was definitely yelling.

So I am here to share a letter I wrote to Santa from the POV of when I was seven. Enjoy.

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Dear Santa,

My biggest question is: how on earth do you fly to every child’s house in one night? It seems impossible. It has to be magic. Does Mrs. Claus help you? I don’t know much about her, so I’d like to learn more. Rudolph must be exhausted after the long trip. I’ve left extra carrots just in case.

I’m seven years old and for Christmas I’d really like some more Barbie’s. But don’t tell my sisters. They keep french braiding their hair behind my back and then it gets all crimpy. It really bothers me.

I’d also really like an American Girl Doll, Samantha specifically. I like her dark hair and bangs. My mom says they are too expensive.

I’m told that you won’t come if you know I’m awake so I’m going to bed now. Don’t mind my dog, Jasmine. She’s friendly. I’m sure she’d like a bone for Christmas.

Love always,

Jess

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Not-So-Secret-Santa

Every year, I fail at Christmas. Three years ago, I bought an entire box of Christmas cards to give to all of my coworkers, family members and friends. I got distracted by one thing or another, and the cards were never sent. Two years ago, Christmas crept up so fast, I ended up baking brownies and sending them to my family. And then I did the same thing last year. But this year, I get an A++ for Christmas. Until yesterday.

Here is the dilemma. My company had their office Christmas party last week. My department was a little boring in the fact that we basically sat around in silence eating cookies, mac and cheese, and possibly spiking the eggnog (that’s just about the craziest thing we did). Meanwhile, the department down the hall had an ugly sweater party, and they played Christmas carols, ate pizza, played games, etc. My department does a Secret Santa every year. I decided not to participate. I’m still fairly “new” to this company, and I only know a couple of people fairly well. Plus, I’m nearly broke now after finally, for the first time ever, getting each and every one of my family members and friends a Christmas present. Once the party was over, I thought “Okay good. I can now focus on family.”

Flash forward to yesterday, and my coworker Katie hands me this giant Christmas bag. It’s a full/queen plush blanket. It’s the softest thing I’ve ever owned. If I thought getting up early in the morning every day was hard, it just got a hell of a lot harder with this blanket.

xzcxzKatie forgot to take the tag off and I saw she spent $40 on me.

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I didn’t even think to get my boss and Katie something for Christmas. I THOUGHT THE SECRET SANTA WAS FOR THAT. I blatantly chose not to participate for this very reason. So now, of course, I have to get them a gift by tomorrow.

It gets worse.

My other coworker, Michelle, whom I don’t particularly like very much, but I tolerate, also gave me a gift. I was praying to the gods all evening last night hoping it wasn’t going to happen, and voila, a gift was handed to me this morning from her. So in order to not look like a dick, I have to get Michelle something too.

What is the point in Secret Santa if we are just going to give all of our coworkers presents anyway? That is the reason behind Secret Santa – to include everyone. When we were in elementary school and we did Secret Santa, you got your person the gift, we all exchanged them in the classroom before Christmas, everyone got a gift and went home happy, and that was that. I didn’t slip other kids in my classroom a gift on top of my Secret Santa gift. That would be cruel and insensitive.

Exchanging gifts at work is painfully awkward and confusing. If you get one person a gift, you feel obligated to get the rest of your coworkers gifts as well, even if you don’t know them very well. That’s why I was thankful for the Secret Santa – I didn’t feel like I had to get anyone anything if I wasn’t participating. The only thing I did partake in was bringing Peanut Butter Pretzel Bark to the party, which was basically my gift to everyone. This job is costing me a fortune this year.

Please feel free to share any Secret Santa horror stories in the comments. Or go ahead and be bitter with me.

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Family, Festivities, Food, Humor, Thoughts

25 Things I’m Thankful For: Part 2

Happy Thanksgiving Eve to my fellow Americans! Once again, I pray I don’t end up in that awkward circle at the dinner table where we express all of the things we are thankful for because mine are typically pointless and embarrassing.

1. Taron Egerton’s jaw (once again)

2. WordPress

I got to meet all of you beautiful people.

3. Cookie Butter

Last year it was peanut butter, but this year, the game has changed.

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4. Loryn Brantz Comics

5. Connecticut

Even though most people hate you, I appreciate your farmland,  overbearing parents, and the rich New England atmosphere you present.

6. My cat, Mumford

He keeps me company.

7. Netflix

You’ll be presenting the Gilmore Girls revival on Friday. I’m so happy and excited I could cry.

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8. The Obama Biden Memes

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9. The Starbucks “You Are Here” Mugs

Because how else will I remember my trip with a Starbucks mug? (I have like, 10 of them.)

10. Donuts

11. ModCloth

12. My Maintenance manager

Because he never bothers me.

13. Moisturizer

Because every time I enter the state of New Hampshire, my skin turns to dust.

14. Post-Its

15. The Christmas Tree Shop

16. Hot Cocoa

17. Michael’s Craft Store

You’ve helped quite a bit with my small painting career.

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18. Goodreads

19. My flannel comforter

20. The Internet

It’s a love-hate relationship.

21. My desk

You store so much of my useless junk.

22. Paper Shredder

23. Garbage Men/Women

Because they take care of your garbage.

24. Cardboard boxes

I’ve kept all of my boxes over the last six months. And now I have boxes to use for Christmas wrapping purposes because I’m schmart.

25. Group Chats

They make my day brighter.

 

Everyone have a wonderful holiday! And I’ll be silently rooting for you as you snatch the boots out of some lady’s hands on Black Friday.

 

 

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Dear America

I still remember the presidential election of 2000. I was in the fourth grade learning about politics for the first time. Since most kids typically vote for the candidate their families vote for, I was rooting for George Bush. I come from a mostly Republican family. My best friend at the time, Megan, came from a mostly Democrat family, and her vote was for Al Gore. When Bush won, I jumped up and down for joy while Megan kicked her feet around saying, “Gosh darn it!” and we still ate lunch together as if nothing ever happened.

The same exact thing happened in 2004 with George Bush and John Kerry. I still managed to keep my Democrat friends close even after George Bush won. So, I ask America, what in the world happened to us? Unless I just grew up, opened my eyes, and realized what was actually going on.

The 2008 election was just a small taste for what we were in for: hatred. My best friend at the time, Katherine, was voting Obama and she let me know every day what a terrible mistake it would be if I rooted for McCain. I must admit, that election was during my senior year of high school and I honestly didn’t pay attention as much as others did because I had college applications and SAT’s on the brain. But, my family was voting for McCain. However, that didn’t alter Katherine’s hateful and sarcastic comments one bit.

The 2012 election, I was paying attention to the best of my ability. I voted Romney. And from a sorta-kinda-Republican/Independent point of view, this is what happened:

My college campus was jam packed with Obama buses to bring students to the nearest town hall to vote. Thousands of students were shoving Obama signs in my face, yelling at me to vote. Most of my friends spent the day screaming at the television about how much Romney sucked, and nobody was voting for him (which is ridiculous since obviously people were voting for him). I actually had people who I considered close friends express their hatred for Republicans, which made me uncomfortable to no end.

After Obama won, I wasn’t upset. I went to bed and slept like a baby. However, a former co-worker on Facebook figured out that I didn’t vote for Obama, and it MUST have been because he’s black right? Which he then felt the need to express all over the Facebook page of my employer at the time, asking them how they could hire a racist? That racist was apparently me, and he wrote my name out in all caps. Luckily, my boss was able to delete the comment immediately and block the person. But that didn’t stop the cooks from making racist jokes every time I walked by. I spent most of my shift in the bathroom crying.

Ever since that particular election, I’ve been too afraid to voice my own opinion in a country where we claim we can go ahead and do that. Between the Facebook posts bashing not just Republicans but Democrats too, to the unwanted political conversations where all I do is fold my hands and stare at the floor, it’s become too much. I understand this election has turned us into a mockery for other countries. A sort of lesson on “What Not To Do”. But I am here to say that whoever my friends and family vote for, I’m not going to berate them for their choices, and neither should the rest of you.

I haven’t asked one single person who they are voting for because it’s simply none of my business. I was raised to “never bring up politics at the dinner table” and I maintain that even more now. We have to get a grip and remember that not every Republican is so far right and not every Democrat is so far left. For every person you make fun of, whether they are voting Clinton or Trump, you are insulting someone you know or their families. It baffles me that I feel the need to write this to adults. I’ve been wanting to say these words since 2008 and I don’t want to be afraid anymore. It’s not fair.

So, whether you’re a Republican, Democrat, Independent, or what have you, I wish you all a safe Election Day. Don’t forget to stash those nips in your pocket for later.

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Christmas

I fail every major holiday. I think about my Halloween costumes two months ahead of schedule and then all of a sudden, it’s the day of Halloween and I completely forgot about it. Every year, I intend to buy presents for all of my friends and family and then a week before Christmas, I end up baking Slutty Brownies because I run out of time. Well well well, not this year folks! I started preparing for Christmas in September…

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Once I get an idea, I run with it to the point where it’s all that consumes my thoughts. I rush to the store, credit card in hand, and begin my journey into the Christmas spirit. Nothing is going to get in my way.

First, I spend way too much money on decorations.

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In my mind, I think I’m setting up Christmas for the next ten years of my life when in reality, I’m going to be so cluttered with Christmas crap after the holidays that I will toss them in my dumpster in a fit of rage.

I also don’t have a good sense of how big is too big when it comes to presents.

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Or how small is too small.

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Once I start prepping, I can’t be stopped. I exhaust myself to the point of starvation and dehydration, wrapping and decorating, and ignoring my cat Mumford way more than usual, probably to his relief.

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Once I’m done with my Christmas prepping, it’s barely Thanksgiving and then Christmas rolls around and I’m too tired to care.

With that being said, I hope the rest of you have not gone completely neurotic like I have. May you all have an anti-psychotic holidays!

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Art Project: Acrylic-ing

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A few weeks ago, I decided to buy a haul of canvases from Michael’sI usually like to venture into Joann Fabrics until I found out I had to buy a cart in order to use one. I walked through the store completely unaware of the amount of things I was going to grab and then realized that it would be best to grab a cart. I pulled and yanked and cursed silently, wondering why I was not able to pull the cart away. A cashier asked if I needed a quarter…so that was the end of that.

I’ve been taking a short break from watercolors and decided to move onto acrylics. If I’m going to use acrylics, it’s best to go big or go home. All of my canvases are 16 x 20, therefore bigger than I normally use.

A long time ago in high school, my art teacher assigned us to paint micros. That basically means taking something, and blowing it up to show the detail of it. For instance, in high school, I did a close up oil painting of an orange. One girl did a lobster claw. So I decided to continue painting something similar. With my favorite season approaching, I focused on a detailed sunflower that calmed my excitement.

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The painting, which I titled His Face, is on the website but is not for sale as of yet! 1. I titled the sunflower His Face mostly because I just finished reading Emma Donoghue’s novel Room, which little boy Jack calls the sun “God’s face”. Naturally, it was the first thing that came to mind. 2. I’m waiting to put it up for sale because I’ve applied to have the painting appear in SPACE 776 in Brooklyn for the 2016 Bushwick Open Studio. Each applicant has an automatic spot in the studio for the week of September 30-October 6 for a chance to sell the painting. If the painting does not sell through the studio, I will be putting it up for sale on my website.

This is an exciting time of learning myself through abstract art. My next piece will be a three canvas painting of the ocean that I’m starting to grow fond of.

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I have many ideas for future micro paintings such as doughnuts, butterfly wings, elephants, etc. Any suggestions in the comments would be greatly appreciated!

Before painting, I didn’t know much about submitting works to galleries or contests until I started doing my research. I’m still learning the process, but my only advice to other artists out there is to search and search and search in your area. I promise there are plenty of opportunities to put yourself out there. For instance, literary journals take art submissions, and some coffee shops will hang and sell your work for a small commission of course, and there are plenty of contests either locally or in the nearest city. It doesn’t hurt to try. Even though it only costs $25 to submit my painting to SPACE 776, it will take a half a day’s work, trains, and subways just to haul the painting all the way to Brooklyn. But it will be worth it in the end, even if it doesn’t sell.

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5 Reasons I Hate Concerts

I’ve only been to a handful of concerts in my life. My first one was to see Joey McIntyre with my sisters and my mom. I was probably seven at the time. Some of you might remember him from New Kids on the Block. I went to see Jewel when I was twelve and it was just as mellow as you could imagine. I saw Panic! at the Disco somewhere around sixteen, then The All-American Rejects when I was eighteen, some random country band that I don’t remember the name of in college, Mumford and Sons back in June, and then recently last weekend Blink-182.

I can easily say that I hate going to concerts. I don’t understand how people could go to Coachella. I expressed this while living in California when my neighbor said, “It’s unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. Coachella is a place to go when you really want to get into the music.” A little shrooms and acid probably helped his situation. I absolutely love music. I can’t drive in a car, go for a walk, or clean my apartment without it. But I don’t love it so much that I feel the need to experience it live with thousands of other people in a dirty stadium, side by side like a bunch of sardines.

Let me just give you my list of reasons for despising concerts.

1.) Constantly needing to pee.

Finding a bathroom in a crowd of twenty thousand people is terrible. Not only do you have a high chance of getting lost in the sea of people and not finding your way back, but you most likely have to stand in a line, or go to the bathroom in a porta potty. Just the very idea of going to the bathroom sounds exhausting and I’d rather get a UTI.

2.) Dealing with other people.

Half of them are screaming in your ear while the other half are drunk or high off something and bother you to no end. You have to watch other people dance, and that’s usually painful. They are always bumping into you, or you have to avoid a mosh pit. tumblr_mn8bh5MYEN1s287fvo1_500

3.) If you’re short, you probably can’t see a thing.

At least they have a TV screen so you can see what’s happening on stage, right?

4.) There’s a lot of standing involved.

You’re standing in line for food, for the bathroom, to get into the concert, to leave the concert, watching the actual concert and before you know it, you’ve been standing longer than the viewing of Gone with the Wind, including the intermission.

5.) Traffic.

Enough said.

 

And we do all of this for the low low price of $200, approximately.

I’d rather stay home and listen to their music on iTunes while singing in a hairbrush and my cat hides under the covers.

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Art Project: Florals, Fruit, For Sale, Oh My!

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Hello beautiful people! I’ve finally done it! I’ve created the website that holds all of my hopes and dreams.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a blog post about the latest watercolors I’ve created over the last few months. It’s been a wonderful lifestyle so far, and whenever I feel the urge to paint something, I’m able to hop over to my desk and do just that. I had been toying with the idea of trying sell my artwork, but obviously it won’t be an easy task. The very idea of it terrifies me to no end, but it’s worth a shot and it gives me a chance to continue painting, whether it works out or not. I don’t expect to become the next Andy Warhol. I know my reality.

I’ve decided to name my new art site Reyna Art & DesignFor a couple of years, my dad sold his artwork. He mostly drew portraits when requested, but he loved to draw celebrity portraits like Marilyn Monroe and John Wayne. He had a Facebook page called Reyna Art, so I decided to continue the tradition.

My biggest problem is that I’m not a big promoter. I feel like those annoying salespeople that show up on your doorstep, trying to convince you that their plastic wrap is better than Glad. I don’t want to be that annoying person. I don’t want to be that person who posts an image of my artwork on Instagram or Twitter every two hours, trying to get people to buy things. Which means, I’ll need all the help I can get from you lovely people. NO PRESSURE. All I ask is that if you happen to know other artists, such as friends or family, pass me along via Instagram or Twitter, or share my website. If you happen to buy a painting of mine, post it to social media with a wink. Sharing is caring.

So far, I have seven pieces up for grabs. Since my last art post, I’ve done some diddling with florals again.

I've called this "Lumineer's Flowers" for reasons I'm sure you've read about.

I’ve called this “Lumineer’s Flowers” for reasons I’m sure you’ve read about.

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I’ve been playing around with different colored pineapples because I think they’re adorable.

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I’ve recently tried out the local paint bar in South Norwalk, CT called Muse Paintbar.

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He’s pretending to be proud of his bottle. I thought it came out fabulous!

So please, peruse my new website and pass it along! You can even find the website under my “Shop” page 🙂

ALSO, I’m going to do a shout out to someone I went to high school with back in the day. Miss Emma Marty sells wonderfully unique jewelry and has recently appeared in Vogue. Check out her page here!

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6 Pieces of Advice on Wedding Etiquette

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It is now officially June. ‘Tis wedding season, folks! I wrote a post back in September about the TLC Wedding Shows, and now I have an updated list of wedding etiquette we should all be following. I’ve now been invited to a fair share of weddings, especially this year. It seems everyone is getting married, and if you’re one of them, just know, I hate you.

I don’t hate you because you’re getting married and I want to get married. No, no, no. I hate you because now I have to deal with other people around the wedding buzz, and at times, it can be unbearable.

Here is a list of things I personally believe you should avoid, whether you’re the one getting married, or you’re attending a wedding.

If You’re Getting Hitched…

1.) Please don’t send me an engagement announcement.

I’ve received wedding announcements via snail mail. Some couples spend like, $800 or more to take engagement photos, which is perfectly adequate and normal. But then to use that and spend an additional $100 on making engagement announcements just to inform me you’re engaged when I already saw it on your Instagram post is a waste of time and money. You’re already spending a butt load of money and you haven’t even started planning the wedding yet. I liked your post on Instagram. I maybe even texted you. That’s all you and I need.

2.) Don’t get sloppy with your guest list.

I know someone, let’s call him Derek, and his roommate from college is getting married this weekend. Derek hasn’t spoken to this former roommate in a year or two. The roommate texted Derek two weeks before the wedding, asking if he was coming. Derek said, “I haven’t received an invitation, but if I’m invited, I’d love to come!” The roommate said, “Wonderful. I’ll send the details soon.” A week goes by and Derek hears of nothing. The roommate finally texts Derek and says, “Hey man. I’m sorry. The guest list got all screwy. You’re still welcome to come, but it will cost you a lot of money.” First of all, are you charging Derek $75 to attend the wedding for his meal? Secondly, let Derek decide whether it’s a lot of money.

Never, ever do that! It looks so tacky and unorganized. At least if you are unorganized, make everyone believe you’re organized. Derek assumes that the roommate felt obligated to invite him, and then by slipping in that it will cost him a lot of money to attend, was secretly hoping he would not attend at all. It’s much more rude to ask someone to attend at last minute than it is to not ask them at all.

3.) Don’t ask outsiders who they want to invite.

Say you have a close friend, and they want to bring a plus one. If you have it in the budget, go ahead and give that person a plus one. But don’t ask your great aunt Midge who she wants to invite to the wedding, especially if it’s a dozen people you’ve either never met, or have only met once in your entire life. Your great aunt Midge is not the one getting married. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard of couples complaining about how large their guest list is, and then go on to say they’ve invited 50 people they’ve never met before. I then ask why, and they say, “Well, my uncle really wants them there.” WHY? Why does your uncle care so much? Tell your uncle to pay for them then.

If You’re Attending The Wedding…

1.) Oh, the bridesmaids!

Bridesmaids are almost completely useless nowadays. For my generation, many bridesmaids forget that claiming the bridesmaid crown means more than just wearing a pretty dress and locking arms with a groomsman down the aisle on the big day. Bridesmaids actually have duties. My mother describes it perfectly, “Think of the bride as a princess and we are her maids.” The bride is asking you to be a bridesmaid because she needs your help and assistance with things that may be out of her control. They need to help with the Bachelorette party planning, and the wedding shower, and assist in picking items out for the registry. On the actual wedding day, if the bride is in the middle of getting her hair done and she says she’s thirsty, offer to grab her a water.

Another thing that bugs me about bridesmaids is their highly opinionated thoughts on dresses. If the bride wants me to wear a clown suit, I’ll wear the clown suit. I’m not the one getting married. I would never tell the bride that I hate the dress she picked out for the bridesmaids because it’s rude and insensitive, and you shouldn’t either.

2.) The registry pickle.

If you’re unsure what gift to buy the bride and groom, a card with a gift card inside is perfectly fine. Especially if you don’t have the time and money to find an expensive blender. But most couples pick out items and place them on a registry for their upcoming wedding shower to make it easier on guests attending. Number one rule: always, always, always claim the item as purchased once you’ve actually purchased it. Some people forget, and then boom, the wedding shower arrives and the bride has received three ice cream makers. And now she has to find time to bring two of them back and hopefully they both have gift receipts.

3.) Comparing and contrasting.

This brings me back to the TLC wedding shows where all it is is comparing and contrasting between weddings. Don’t compare your wedding, or future wedding plans, to the wedding you are currently attending. There are many reasons I say no to this. Number one: nobody cares. Number two: You are two completely different people with different styles. No judging allowed. Think of this like Planet Fitness! Same mind set. If the bride wanted a doughnut wall instead of a traditional cake (I found this idea on Pinterest and I’m stealing it), just say, “Oh that’s interesting and cool.” Grab a doughnut and then move on.


I hope you all find this useful to you during the 2016 wedding season, and have now become the best damn bride/guests your friends have ever asked for.

 

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Why Jess Mariano Is The Most Complex Character in “Gilmore Girls”

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*This post contains spoilers*

I may lose a lot of readers at this point because some of you may have never watched Gilmore Girls. Those of who you follow me know it’s constantly streaming on my Netflix, even if I’ve seen the episode 15,000 times. I can’t help it. It’s the one show that cheers me up, calms me down, and just simply entertains the hell out of me. Especially now that I live in Connecticut, the town of Washington Depot, which is the inspiration of Stars Hollow, is a close 40 minute drive from me. I plan to pop over for a visit there soon. Anyway, I’ve watched the show a million times, and even if you’ve never seen it, I’m sure you’ve noticed the TEAM DEAN, TEAM JESS, and TEAM LOGAN everything. It’s on mugs, t-shirts, magnets, pillows, everything. Just look on Etsy. My best friend Tierney is a major Team Dean fan, so we like to face off because I’m Team Jess, all the way. I’ve even bookmarked an Etsy mug on my computer. Team Jess followers get hated on quite a bit because let’s be real here…Jess Mariano was a total dick.

But I’m going to pull a Kanye on your asses and explain why I think Jess Mariano is the best man for Rory Gilmore, and the most complicated and underrated boyfriend on the show.

As most of you know, Jess doesn’t start off fantastic. He didn’t have that glowing grin like Dean Forrester in the first episode. He was angry, frustrated, and marched to the beat of his own drum from day one. He had quite a few reasons to be an angst-up teenager. His mother was a nut, he had no father figure, and he was being shipped off from NYC to Stars Hollow without much of a say. Naturally, he would be upset. He had a Holden Caulfield aura about him. BUT, he was well-read, intelligent, and understood Rory on a certain level that no other boyfriend had. He went along with her bits, he understood her obscure references, and he didn’t hover.

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However, let’s recap the beginning of their relationship.

He was rude to Lorelai by accusing her of sleeping with his Uncle Luke. He crashed Rory’s car Dean had built for her, by accident. He takes off on several occasions without saying goodbye. He shows up late to Friday Night Dinner with Emily Gilmore with a black eye which he gets from a swan. He yells at Rory several times as a reflex to other things happening in his life. At first glance, most would say he’s the worst boyfriend Rory ever had. But why do you think he’s the best one for Rory, Jess? I’ll tell you why.

At the end of Season 5, after working for Logan’s (her most recent boyfriend) father at a newspaper, Mr. Huntzberger tells Rory she doesn’t have what it takes to be a journalist. All she has ever wanted was to be Christiane Amanpour. Out of panic desperation and reckless thinking, she steals a yacht with Logan and is arrested for grand theft boating. She decides to take a break from Yale to figure out her life, even though Lorelai deeply disagrees with the drastic decision, which then causes the nearly six month silence between mother and daughter. At this point in time, we haven’t seen or heard from Jess in over a year. But in the middle of Season 6, he makes an appearance by paying Rory a visit. This is where we see the best character development I’ve seen in a TV show and/or book yet.

He’s come all the way from Philly to tell Rory that he has written and published a short novel. He owes all of his success and accomplishments to her. He’s working for a small printing press with a few other dudes, and overall, he seems to be doing well for himself.

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He has the unfortunate pleasure of meeting Logan. After observing Rory in her new environment, surrounded by D.A.R. meetings, high tea with her grandmother, her boyfriend with his expensive convertible, living with her grandparents, not speaking to her mother, and quitting Yale, Jess has it out for her. He’s the one who snaps her back into reality. He reminds her that she’s making a huge mistake and that none of this is really her. The fact that Rory goes back to Yale, finds a job, and gets back onto speaking terms with her mother, that is all done by the one and only Jess Mariano.

To some, this may not seem so obvious. It takes an episode or two after Jess yells at her that she finally turns it around. But his little lecture to her is something that others need to pay attention to because it changes the entire course of the series, no matter how brief or even irrelevant it may have seemed. Out of all three boyfriends, Jess was the one who made the most impact on her. Rory made a difference in Dean’s life by showing him books, movies, and music that he hadn’t been exposed to yet, but it’s hard to say that Dean made a big difference in her life. Logan broke her out of her shell a bit, but for the most part, she stayed the same with the exception of some reckless behavior and was the one to turn Logan’s life around. In the end, Jess was the boyfriend who simply wanted Rory to be happy and do what was best for her, whether he was with her or not.

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That, my friends, is why I think Jess Mariano was by far, the best. I think these things because of the upcoming Netflix revival that I believe will be released later this year. All three ex-boyfriends will be appearing in one of the four 90 minute episodes, and it will be interesting to see what role they will play nearly ten years later.

I hope you all will be raising your Team mugs the evening of its release. I know I will!

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(WhiteCedarCabin)

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Anecdote, Awkward, Festivities, Humor, Manic Monday, You're Fine

Why Hecklers Are The Worst Kind of People

It is finally baseball season. A time for families to enjoy a nice day out at the ball park with hot dogs, beer, and sunshine. Whether you’re sitting behind home plate or in the nose bleed section, you’re almost always guaranteed a good time. Until you realize you have plopped into a seat directly next to a squawking heckler. Or worse, a group of them. 

I’ve been to my fair share of ball parks including Fenway, PNC Park, Busch Stadium, Dodger Stadium, as well as many others. I attended almost all of them while rocking some form of Red Sox gear because that’s the only baseball gear I own. Of course, by doing this, I expect to hear some lighthearted backlash, especially since I’m a Boston fan and everyone else in the country hates us for various reasons. But there is a big difference between lighthearted, teasing fun, and just being a dick.

Yesterday, I attended my first Mets game. It was a chilly 40 degrees and for the most part, I sat in the shade bundled up in my jacket, USC baseball cap, and blanket. I didn’t wear any Red Sox gear, and thank God I didn’t. Directly in front of me were a group of four young men, roughly the age of twenty-one, who were the worst kind of people. A man walked by in a Boston cap, and the men decided to yell obscene, highly inappropriate insults at the poor man who just wanted to enjoy a friendly Mets game on a beautiful Sunday. They not only did this to the Boston fan, but they did it to Yankee fans, Philly fans, and basically any other person who didn’t wear anything Mets related. The best part was that every time something even remotely interesting happened in the game, they all stood up, as if they were going to get a better look than they already had. This then, resulted in me watching the entire game from the big screen like I’m watching it from the comfort of my own home, which is exactly how you want to feel when you go to a baseball stadium, right? That’s the purpose of going to a baseball park. To feel like you never left your couch! I missed 85% of the plays and I was real bitter about it.

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One guy continuously yelled, “Fuck the Red Sox!” over and over and over again. I must remind you all that the Mets were playing the Phillies, so try to figure that one out….

Anyone who shows up to a baseball game in this manner has clearly never been to a baseball game. I expect this kind of behavior at a soccer match or a football game, where everyone gets rowdy and yells and it’s a whatever-time. But a baseball game? A quiet, sunny day, relaxing and watching a baseball game is not the time and place for obnoxious screaming.

I think what bothers me most is that some fans can’t seem to take a chill pill. So what if some guy with a Dodgers hat shows up to a Cardinals game in St. Louis? I personally think that anyone who goes to a stadium where both teams playing against each other aren’t even “his” team, he is showing at least some form of respect and trying to enjoy himself in YOUR park. Why do you have to be such a douchebag? He’s literally Swiss! He could probably care less about who wins. The guy just really likes baseball games. So when a heckler mocks and insults someone the entire time, they are completely ruining their experience and they will probably never want to go to that park again. Way to go, bro.

I thought I was going to lose it the more I had to be around these fools. Everyone around us looked at them with disdain with the exception of a few who gave them a tiny sliver of encouragement which was so not what they needed. They reminded me of those guys in high school who were so terribly obnoxious and would do some sort of pizza contest in the cafeteria while everyone pounded their fists on the table chanting things like, “O’DOYLE RULES!” and yet these guys always have a shit load of friends and girls hanging off their every word.

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Meanwhile, I’m in the corner like, “How and why has this come to be?”

But the best part about witnessing these hecklers is that you will most likely see a fight break out because someone finally overheated, or you get to watch security tell them off. Either one is extremely satisfying.

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Festivities, Humor, I'm not a mommy blogger, My Idea Of Being An Adult, Things I Should Have Solved A Year Ago

9 Birthday Party Themes I Wish I Had

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The BIG 2-5 is arriving tomorrow and I’ve been thinking about all of the birthday themes I wish I had growing up. I’ve had some wonderful birthday parties filled with sleepovers, freezing the first friend to fall asleep’s bra, applying toothpaste to unsuspecting sleepers fingers, telling ghost stories, and watching Shane West be all romantic in A Walk To Remember while sobbing in a pile of cake and popcorn. And almost every year, I requested a strawberry cake with strawberry frosting and strawberries on top. You can most certainly guess what kind of cake I requested for this weekend.

But now that I’m officially in my mid-twenties, I’m reminiscing on all of the themes I’ve missed out on.

1. Name That 90’s Boy

Every face, poster, and game would relate to our favorite 90’s boys. I’m lookin’ at you Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Rider Strong, and baby faced Leonardo DiCaprio.

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We can play Pin-The-Abs-On-The-Leo. It will be fun.

2. Circa 2004

Ever since I saw that Gilmore Girls episode where they had a birthday party 2002-theme, I’ve wanted to just pick a year and see what people come up with. We can all wear Lance Armstrong bracelets, reenact anything Paris Hilton said and/or did, and bring back the American Eagle jean skirt.

3. Asian Cuisine

Endless amount of sushi, crab rangoon, and fried rice. Yes, please.

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4. Michael Scott

If I could have someone who likes like Michael Scott, talks like Michael Scott, and loves like Michael Scott, I’d like to have that person just follow me around the entire day. And then end the night with Jim Halpert.

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5. Dress As Your Favorite 90’s Nickelodeon Character

Please, please, please, show up to my fictional party dressed as Patty Mayonnaise, or Amanda Bynes and her dancing lobsters.

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6. Teen Witch

I basically just want to learn the routines of those three dudes who are constantly jamming out on the street in that epic 1989 film. Top that!

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7. Murder Mystery

Who murdered the birthday girl? While you all figure that crap out, I’ll be hiding somewhere drinking whiskey straight from the bottle waiting to see how long it takes you fools to find the fiend. I also request that you talk like a 1950’s Hollywood actress. Marilyn-Monroe it all the way.

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8. Dress As Your Favorite Cary Grant Movie

He was in everything between 1940 and 1966, so you shouldn’t have a problem choosing a movie. His Girl Friday, An Affair To Remember, That Touch of Mink. The many faces of Cary Grant.

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9. Offensive Party

All the rules can go out the door. Dress up as something so terrible you can’t sleep at night. If you need references, just play a round of Cards Against Humanity.

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I hope you all have a wonderful Easter weekend!

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Festivities

Bye, Bye 2015

2015 was an okay-ish year. Very few complaints, but hey, we can’t all be perfect. I think my last super-duper-awesome-I-want-relive-year was probably 2011 or 2012. It’s hard to choose between the two. 2013, you still suck all the way down to your core.

I hope you all have a wonderful New Years filled with friends, family, and silliness. I will be ringing in the New Year drinking gimlets dressed as Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday (clearly it’s a themed party).

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Let’s all jump into 2016 with positivity, excitement, and a little sarcasm.

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